Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
heyheyt 0
ajjas you're really starting to annoy me :/
AngryNinja 1
heyheyt, step off. no one tells my pimp he's annoying. ajjas, i got dis. ;)
Starfire22 5
leave my puppy alone!
Ajjas013 6
Starpower! You go girl :)
Fentown_fml 4
Haha! Oh, that's great
heyheyt 0
okay, first by saying ajjas is your pimp your not cool so stop trying to be. and second, I can say whatever I wanna say
Ajjas013 6
I didn't call myself a pimp O_O
AngryNinja 1
hah.. someoe forgot to change their tampon.. or maybe it got stuck. jealousy = sickness.
xoxcinderellaxox 0
note to self: never take ambien!
Bokusui 0
The list must have been really long for you to complain about it :O.
iluvninjas 0
that sucks for the OP. what did your mom say when you told her this and being very descriptive??
heyheyt 0
I was talking to angryninja. she called you her pimp
Ajjas013 6
Oh ok :) I'll go beat her now.
AngryNinja 1
-.- *calls cops* hello? hi. he wants to beat me. what do i do? uh.. pop a cap in his ass! awesome. thanks. *click* *grins*
Ajjas013 6
I PMed you Ninja! Answer meh!
what_the_fail 0
YDI for sleeping with that many men. ****.
damnrosi 0
she's not a ****. She just likes sex. There's nothing wrong with that, now stop being jealous because you're and ugly, fat, replusive, prick who'd give it out for free but still can't get any.
00pedro00 0
Not until I edit my draft and then finally send the PM, Ajjas
Ajjas013 6
O_O