Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cocacola999 27
I wish I had taken a look at the username and learnt that OP is either 12 or at least at the mental level of a 12-year-old, before clicking FYL.
n1rvanat1zed 0
That's just uncool.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
n1rvanat1zed 0
That's just uncool.
Monikabug 9
Very uncool! That is what you get for not being honest with your family. Sad that it had to come out because of a sleeping pill.
kinukle 0
FAILTACULAR
fatlip1828 0
YDI for "luv"ing Twilight
Frosc 0
Seconded
saywaturcoco 0
today my boyfriend raped me fml
mattthew 0
thirded
sum1savemeh 0
fourthed
mfmylifesrsly 30
fithed
Monikabug 9
Sixthed.
KurouTenshi 0
seventh'd -_-
FYLDeep 26
if fatlip hadn't said that then I was about to.
Felendris 0
LOL. fatality =X
selan_fml 0
twenty-ninthed !!!!!
NFL333 0
stay off the drugs
kaleid0scopeEyes 0
If the 95 in your name is there because you were born in 1995, then that's horrible; my little sister is 14 and likes Twilight and I cant imagine her sneaking out and hooking up with guys... and lmao at #6, I'm sure you tell EVERY detail about your life to your parents; does daddy know that you are using the webcam on the home computer to take pictures and probably talk to guys you've only met on the internet?
Monikabug 9
@75 Mature of you. Actually, I am 19 years old and what I do in my spare time is neither your business nor my father's. Also, if you are implying in some way that my picture is a "dirty" one, than your mind is quite perverse. This picture was taken with a digital camera at an Applebee's. There is nothing adult about it, it's just my face. Now go try and bash someone else, kay? Thanks. :)
KurouTenshi 0
@78 *applauds* :3 good for you!!
Monikabug 9
@79 No applause is needed. :3
KurouTenshi 0
@81 :o how bout a hug?
FYLDeep 26
Hopefully you didn't admit to your mom that you like Twilight, or things could have been really embarassing.
KurouTenshi 0
@84 "Mom, i have something to tell you" "oh god, you're not pregnant are you?" "what? no!" "oh, okay. so what's up?" "I...like twilight..." "Noo!! omg so THATs why you're so ****** up!!"
burgerking83 0
drugs are bad mkay
Monikabug 9
@83 Sure, send all the hugs you can. :)
AlmothePirate 0
that's what you get for sleeping around at 14! despite what you think, you ARENT more mature than most freshmen. they ALL think that. and the ones who sleep around are the least mature of all.
KurouTenshi 0
@93 :D yayz *hugz you* You has just been hizzugged :o fo' rizzle!
mfmylifesrsly 30
yeah I really hope you arnt 14. I remember when I was 14 I thought I was all mature and could handle is (I didn't have sex but I thought I was mature for other stuff) and Noe looking back I wasn't and was so young. It seems that kids are sleeping around younger and younger, I know this 12 year old who sleeps around and smokes weed and cigs, it disgusts me. (that she's so young and thinks she's so mature and cool)
Monikabug 9
@93 that hizzug brightened my whole day! haha. ;D
KurouTenshi 0
@99 I'm so glad I could do that for you :3 if you ever need a hizzug, don't hesitate to drop a request ;)
boopityboppity 11
mfmylifesrsly, no offense meant, but you're only seventeen. Do you think you've really come that far in three years?
mfmylifesrsly 30
105 I know I haven't come that far, but I do see how young and gullible and stupid I was back then. a lot can actually happen in 3 years. for instance: i used to be obsessed with getting married and having kids at the age 22 MAXIMUM. now, I've changed my mind.
Monikabug 9
Will do, Chris. Thanks for the offer. ツ
KurouTenshi 0
@108 O_o didn't think anyone would use maj real name...:D what a surprise!! I just finished watching "The Box" and that movie is effed up ._.'
Yee12 0
YDI for eating breakfast
boopityboppity 11
It'll be interesting to see what you think in another three years, mfmylifesrsly.
bambam837 2
ninethed
subMortal7331 0
LOL that's ridiculus YDI for being so god damn horny
mfmylifesrsly 30
yupp, it will be interesting. now stfu kaythxbaii
boopityboppity 11
Hey, no need to be discourteous, mfmylifesrsly. I wasn't trying to be superior, I was just making an observation. I'm sorry if I offended you, but honestly, I didn't mean to.
eddles 0
nineth, I used to like the seiros but now o think it's kind of gay
cucuto89 0
yo, mfmylifesrsly is a cutie. I would do her in the pooper
ImaginaryFoe 1
Monikabug, love your pic. Boops, I am assuming you are over 20. Do you not think there's a huge difference between a 14 yo and a 17 yo? Every now and then, I am reminded of how I thought just a few short years earlier and I am always amazed at how little I actually knew.
shiznutmuffin 0
#20, agreed
mfmylifesrsly 30
@128 O_O. sorry...I don't do poopsex
Monikabug 9
Thank you ImaginaryFoe! I thought it was about time to put a face to my comments. But are you sure it's not too "adult?" :P
Austino713 0
why is everyone against Twilight!?!!!!?!?!!?!?? what makes it so bad im sure some stupid kid shows (AKA Barney,Barbie,Power Rangers) are wayy worse Twilight yes 1st movie sukd 2nd wasnt terrible tho
droppoint 0
what's a seiros?
theian01 3
Monikabug, was that guy even talking to you? I'm not trying to start a fight, but he said the 95 in the name, there is no 95 in your name. Just saying...
theian01 3
Oops, I didn't see the bottom half of his post (stupid me). SORRY! D=
Monikabug 9
@theian01 That is okay. Happens to the best of us. :)
amymarie13 0
108/109. have your conversation somewhere else
Monikabug 9
@159, read someone else's comments, or put something worth reading.
PplMakeMistakes 2
nice one :P:P
pattheaninal 9
ninth. Twilight could suck Draculas balls.
Ninjasaurus18 9
Well, the 18 in my name isnt't there because I was born in 1918. It's my lucky number, and maybe 95 is hers. Stupidass.
DoomSkuller 28
Why does everyone assume every time the word "twilight" appears in usernames and such that it's about that saga of fairies?
princessbeee 4
I've totally done that, but not so much detail. haha, that realllly sucks!
FernandoTorres_fml 0
Maybe they weren't "sleeping pills"... ;)
princessbeee 4
nopee, pain meds for surgery(:
awesomechica1229 5
how was ur breakfast awkward? did she start spilling her secrets or something?
Rosalie_Haostn 0
uhhhh she didn't realize she spilled her whole life story until the next morning when the sleeping pills had worn off. that's why it was awkward.
Aert1ok995 0
fyl. oh and everyone just wait for snickerdoodles to post some annoying comment.
mattbeverly 0
can u say wasted lol
afatmonkey 0
Everytime I try to say "wasted," a man in a bowler hat and handle bar mustache randomly appears and stares at me for a few seconds before he uncerimoniously breaks a kittens forleg in front of me and throws me threw a portal to another dimension. Oh shit.....
Xxdom4073xX 0
That's not nice, snicker is just bored. She enjoys the attention, hmm, wait, what's it called.... Oh ya, a troll?
choejunshik 0
that's funny
kazumaslayer666 3
I have to say lol here. I would highly recvomend learning from this and and if and when she let's you go out again you nest be truthful.
caybree 0
What the **** is up with your picture?
MzRabbit 0
suckz for you!! lol
HamsteronA 0
this is why I love sleeping pills.