Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
punjabi44 0
what an amazing roomate... get the hell out
ambowew 7
The awkward moment when you find out your roommate is banging the garbage man.
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Comments (98)
punjabi44 0
what an amazing roomate... get the hell out
Hanimon 0
Yeah kick her out, nobody wants to live with that
PeteyPablo12308 20
Yeah that's ******.
scarletpenguin 16
@ #44 The hell...? Are you serious or are you just trolling? Obviously it's the roommate's fault, she knew what she was doing and fed OP the expired food. And you don't know much about food poisoning, do you? Dumb people make me mad.
Zebidee 9
OK, just so I don't have to see any more 'it can't be food poisoning after 1 hour' bullshit, here's how it works. The two main mechanisms for food poisoning where the food itself isn't actually poisonous, are through ingesting live agents like bacteria, virus, or parasites, or through ingesting the toxins produced by bacteria. In food poisoning where there is a rapid onset of symptoms (in the 1-6 hour range), it's generally due to bacterial toxins, i.e.; the food you ate was 'rotten'. In cases where you ingest a live agent, the incubation period can be from anything from a few hours up to several days, so people don't usually necessarily associate it with the food they ate. This is often erroneously passed off as 'stomach flu'. There are also things like CJD where symptoms don't show up for years. Long story short: STFU. This is possible.
juliahockey 0
kick that roomate out. she must be ******* retarted if she would feed you overdue food. and anyway, who would want the garbage man to like them? it's a pretty crummy job.
inthemillions 0
You haven't ever gotten food poisoning before, have you? I have gotten sick within 6 hours of eating fast food, and it was most definitely food poisoning. Don't start stating facts until you know them for sure, and have actually experienced it.
cradle6 13
Food poisoning was the most miserable physical experience I've ever had. One of the worst nights of my life. And I had gotten it from high school food. Started vomiting within a couple hours.
MushyLuvsU 0
49: I liked the short story better...
Zebidee 9
Thanks - I thought it had a certain charm.
FuckingRednecks 3
Retarted?
googlefrewdnoob 0
Your body will vomit soon after infesting "bad" food. Its' natural reaction is to purge itself' of the contaminants, retard.
CookieLovesYou 1
I wanna be the "first" to say that your life sucks :)
imsh0rts0watt88 1
thats really gross!
Lawlipop 3
#88, alternatively, maybe OP's roommate rarely cooks and THAT is the surprising part. Even if she did mean it the other way, my mum's made meals with expired ingredients before, and it tasted fine right up until it came back up.
anelard 6
Agreed.. Don't let her cook again, she might kill you. ;-;
Mamii_so_sexii 0
wow.. run while you can
TXjuggalo972 6
that's nasty
CruelHumor 0
If shes hot then its ok
randomgf 0
You look like you could be Jay Leno's son. :)
BWill9014 4
OH! OH! BURN 24 BE BURNIN!!! 24 BE BURNIN OHH OH!!!!
ScaughtieHolden 11
Woa! 24's right!
MissBunny25 0
actually I thought he looked more like vinny off of jersey shore... that's just me though lol
MissBunny25 0
#26 there's no need for your obnoxious and stupid behavior. get the **** off caps lock dude .
techweed 12
#24 it's because of his huge chin
angeljewlz 7
#60 do you really have to be a bitch? OP that sucks! It's not like the garbage men really care. FYL at the moment.
MissBunny25 0
dude I'm not being a bitch. it's called sarcasm.. it's my personality. sorry to have offended you , lol
MissBunny25 0
I'm not being a bitch.. it's called sarcasm, which Is my personality.. sorry to have offended you, dear. lol :)
MissBunny25 0
blah sorry my iPod lagged
prettyinpink93 0
bitch move!
ptxace 0
Agreed
Exhausti 0
Lol, you actually trust freaks like that? You desserve it. Good game.
dansco 25
What a stuck up bitch! I take it she didn't eat anything? She probably is just trying to poison you!
fthku 13
What does stuck up have to do with itt? She's crazy though, I would get a new roomate.
padlarf 14
You don't get sick within the hour from bad food
fisheatsbear 6
really now... *fetches the rotten milk* DRINK IT grawr
BWill9014 4
Yes because since it has never happened to you it's obviously impossible right? ... you're a dumbass dude
MissBunny25 0
hahahahaha #23 made me lol :)
mikemik22 0
Well padlarf go eat some week old shrimp an tell us how long it takes you to get sick...