Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
rache8bab 1
awesome
Eddie_Paints 0
Say no to drugs!!
ffmmllyaya 0
ha
hpotterluvr 0
haha
givants 0
it's alright at least you didn't do anything stupid
Cristaderzi 0
Soooo true!! Addicrion will eat you alive!
me199 0
I dont believe this cause ambien will knock you out.
AngryNinja 1
fail.
deathcab7 0
atually last time I used ambient, i thought there was a black hole in the middle of my room. so i tried to jump over it and hit my eye on my bedpost. needless to say , i had a black eye, and this post is true because ambient does creepy stuff to you
deathcab7 0
ooops ambien* excusee my crappy spelling !
relyo 0
You probably just stared into space or watched spongebob all night. Your mom is just using the fact you don't remember as a way to guilt you into confessing what you've done.
deathcab7 0
original poster
youdidwhatnow 0
fail.
babybubz 0
bsalway1212 0
you can stay up on ambien and do and say some pretty stupid stuff, but they tell you to take it and go right to bed so I doesn't happen. though the time I stayed up on it I was telling my boyfriend all about purple unicorns and flying over Tiny villages
elektrik_fml 0
Don't you read anything about it before you take it? It's like...common knowledge that you do stuff that you won't remember. It's even ON the commercials!
crazysicknasty 0
really cause she was on a sleep pill its not her fault and plus thats getting really old now move on
crazysicknasty 0
um she did take it right befor she went to bed why dont you read then come comment again
coolcool101 3
say yes to tacos!
bsalway1212 0
apparently not if she was up about about to talk to her mom
dizzy2327 0
**** I used to pop those it's crazy I get them cuz I have had bad insomnia since birth when I take more then one I don't remember the rest of the night my cuzin told me last time I was chaseing an invisible chiwawa lol
sals029 0
Ambien can make you do crazy shit. It didn't work at all for me. I would lay in bed for hours and nothing would happen. Then when i was in college living in the dorms one night two hours after i had taken it i decided to just get up and watch tv. a half hour in, i literally thought the characters on the tv were flying out and talking to me. I was having conversations with these characters in my room thinking they were real. Then I started throwing up everywhere and I went to go get my friend who lived in the room next to me in the dorms and as i was knocking i tried climbing the door thinking it was a rock climbing wall and started telling my friend that the characters on tv were attacking me and i needed help. I don't remember any of this happening after me turning on the tv. It was all explained to me the next morning by my roommate & friend. Luckily they helped me clean up my puke and put me to bed but that stuff can seriously **** a person up.
brutallyhonest24 0
YDI for taking ambien, that is like one of the worst sleeping pills you can take
gun6slinger9 9
first!!! and haha poor mom
ThatOneAdamKid24 0
? deserves it for trying to find a way to fall asleep?
doink 0
Words of wisdom.
sparc_fml 4
Who says she sleeps around? Yes, some people have the 'no sex before marriage' thing but lets be honest: most people do not. If she's in her mid-20's it's not hard to to have had a number of sexual partners - most relationships don't work out, so if you only have 1 a year since you're say 17 that lasts for 6-7 months then all of a sudden that's 8-9 people before you're 25 - especially as women everywhere have to deal with guys pretending to be kind caring and all that crap but really just want to **** them and leave. Now I don't know about any of you, but I wouldn't want to describe 8-9 sexual encounters to my parents in detail. If she's older the same applies. If younger then the number might be less but the awkwardness will likely be higher as even teenage girls who are open with their parents about sex aren't likely to go into details. And even still.. if she's slept with a few dozen guys... so what? Does sex magically make you a worse person? How? Because YOU personally have an issue with it? What is your issue? I hope you hold yourself to the same standard. I'ma guy and I've slept with plenty of girls... yet it pisses me off to see girls who have slept with far less people then me being labeled a **** simply cause guys all want to think of themselves as the one, the only and the best that any girl they're with has ever been with or ever will.
Intoxicunt 6
#41 sparc: *Bows* The way you advocate equality in the comment makes you better than the men to whom you refer. In a word, WIN! :)
powersmoke 0
This ******' guy, #41, writing a novel.
bsalway1212 0
tl;rd
TRJADN 0
^ Unnecessary blabber. OP doesn't need ambien all they have to do is read your boring comment.
andrewsm24 0
god snickers....I want you so bad
schwinn11 0
Wow, I can't wait for the sequel.
damnrosi 0
I thought it was great and made some really good points. It's about time we get some smarter, open-minded people on this site.
00pedro00 0
Can the cover picture of the sequel be snickerdoodle's new picture?
sparc_fml 4
Heh, it never ceases to amaze me that when someone posts a couple paragraphs that amount to about 20 seconds worth of reading it attracts this kind of response. Do you people lack the ability to read more then 10 words at a time? Or perhaps you have the attention span of a dyslexic gnat... who knows? Either way, I find it infinitely amusing. But hey, glad to see some people appreciated it, cheers.
dorkside_fml 0
41 except you forgot the paragraph about std's
sparc_fml 4
#173 I hear they have these wonderful inventions known as 'condoms'. Though I do love the general logic that seems to go through the minds of people like you.. 'Oh they've had sex with more people then I have (because whatever your total is is completely fine of course) therefore they MUST have done so unprotected and gotten STDs! Then of course, again because they've slept with more people then me, they certainly didn't get them treated and continued with unprotected sex!' I do hope you realise how stupid these assumptions are? I realise this is the internet, where average people turn retarded and the stupid reign supreme... but try thinking about it for even half a second.
sugarbabyxoxo 2
41 you are awesome. and so right!
albodoll 0
lol
00pedro00 0
#41 just pwned snickerdoodles.
deathcab7 0
well you cant really skip the first time, so that was a fail.^
atticuz 2
take melatonin you will sleep like an angel
insomniac8400 13
false not only do I take melatonin and it doesn't do anything, but it has actually done some of this same stuff to people
drumsetmaniac77 0
Haha that sucks!
n00bowner 0
shutup gingerdoodle
Oathkeeper111 0
to bad
hpotterluvr 0
ur a *****... just like me! I like u
AngryNinja 1
****** unite! just don't touch my cash, bitch. or my crack.
Sirin_fml 47
#13, your comment wasn't moderated; if it was, you'd still see it and it would say so. The comments system is currently experiencing technical problems, and some comments are disappearing. Sorry for the trouble.
Ajjas013 6
Pimpy hoes FTW
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
He he he, you peoples are funny.
AngryNinja 1
glad someone appreciates our humor. *glare at bottom of post*
cam007_fml 0
What does FTW mean?
TomtOmtoMtom_fml 0
Fudgy Toe-ed Witches
AngryNinja 1
ftw is for the win or **** the world.
Flour_fml 0
I took Ambien because Melatonin (and many others) did nothing. I could take four and lay in bed for hours staring at the ceiling.
NGM_47 0
So you told your mom about 2 guys, huh?
Everbrokenheartd 0
haha, she just like you! >:O
me199 0
one of them being your dad
NGM_47 0
you hurt my feelings :(
maa_rico 4
ewww
anonymous595 0
haha eww
brooklynnhaley 4
Karma's a bitch. Get over it.
reichst 0
When taking ambien its a good idea to lock yourself in your room. the stuff causes me to see still objects move and causes me to walk like im drunk. it does allow me to sleep though, so the benefits outweigh the side effects... though the side effects can be fun at times lol
vampyre_girly 0
I'll drug you and then you'll find yourself in a grave.....if you ever wake up snickerdoodles
iknowthatguy 0
WIN!!!