Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
heyheyt 0
hahah thanks ;)
heyheyt 0
well actually angryninja, it isn't currently that time of the month for me, im just a bitch all year round. isn't it great?
Ajjas013 6
Isn't it great that you'll never find a man? Isn't that great?
AngryNinja 1
mm. very great. what's even more great is your failing at replying. now, isn't that super great?
heyheyt 0
it's great that I've had lots of guys
Ajjas013 6
None of them decent. You're probably like OP. *Tries to reference topic to FML*
heyheyt 0
are you sure your not the one wearing the tampon?
Sirin_fml 47
Don't look so shocked; I'm putting the finishing touches on my own hatemail, Ajjas >_>
Ajjas013 6
You wouldn't do that! *Reassures self by whispering*
heyheyt 0
maybe I am like the op, guess you'll never know
Ajjas013 6
Can you not see the reply button? Ugh forget this. I'm not gonna bother. If you're anything like OP, then YDI. All of it. YDI. *Exits*
heyheyt 0
so your just gonna walk away?
AngryNinja 1
damn. he told you. ^.^
Ajjas013 6
Yeah I'm gonna walk away. I don't need to waste my time with an ignorant bitch who thinks I'M the annoying one. Was I trollin'?
heyheyt 0
hah good. wonder if it made himself feel good. don't ya?
Ajjas013 6
Is this in third person? I can't seem to find who you're talking to. Made himself feel good. Don't ya? Are you retarded and/or over the age of 65?
heyheyt 0
and I don't need to spend my time on someone who thinks he's the shit :/
Ajjas013 6
Don't, nobody's asking you to ^_^
heyheyt 0
just shut up already
Ajjas013 6
That's what it looks like when someone wins. Just in case you never experience that.
heyheyt 0
and just in case you never get a girl, I'm sure angryninja will be there. wouldn't that be fun?
AngryNinja 1
i'm rather proud. she found the reply button! whoever asked me if i'm the one wearing a tampon, i am. i've had offers to change it for me. though i don't /wear/ them.. but whatever. and if you're hinting at my bitchyness, it's year-round, though not every single minute, like some people.
heyheyt 0
umm you don't wear tampons? and maybe I'm so bitchy because of certain people...
AngryNinja 1
no.. tampons aren't clothing.. and maybe if you learned how to take a joke, you wouldn't have to be bitchy. funny how one little pimp comment gets you all pissy. hm.
heyheyt 0
I do get how to take a joke and it's not my fault that certain things piss me off
babybubz 0
AngryNinja 1
obviously you don't. you called him annoying. he and i are friends, so i jokingly called him my pimp. it didn't bother him. unless you have a for reals pimp or your mom was abused by a pimp, you have no reason to become offended and insult (failingly) ajjas and i. savvy?
heyheyt 0
why would I care what you think anyway? I'm outt.
AngryNinja 1
mhm. tuck your tail n' run.
cam007_fml 0
Damn, you told her.
Ajjas013 6
Oh yeah, tap that.... Wait, wrong scenario. Oh yeah! NINJA YOU GO GIRL... That sounds dirty :/
AngryNinja 1
yeahh, but we all like it dirty. ;)
freeterzz 1
be lucky, last time I took that I ended up in the hospital and the loonybin, i don't remember that week. hah
x_HELLo_tHERE_x 0
I doubt you really care; but I still think you're pretty cool, snickerdoodles.
laurencedoreprev 0
im wondering y r u doing drugs with ure mom ... get friends =P
lawlren 0
they were at home because they were trying to sleep, obviously..