Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
lawlren 0
that happened to me. I told my mom a lot of embarrassing things, but I dont have a list of people I've slept with, so nothing to tell her there.
ashleyfemia09 0
hey, my mom died taking ambien this past june(6/7/09) don't take things like this lightly. she went outside and got in the pool and drowned.
AngryNinja 1
thats terrible. i'm so sorry. :(
Raddaya 3
awesome! What does this have to do with the fml? Hundreds of people die every day. OP, make sure your mom isn't making this up....tell her to tell you some of the men you allegedly said :P
rache8bab 1
omg seriously?!? do people really use the comments on fml's to argue?!? lol ridiculous.
AngryNinja 1
we seriously do. it's rather entertaining. though i was just having fun at first. you should try it. ;)
Starfire22 5
it's especially fun when your having a slow day at work:D
fcukb0o 0
Nice going you dumb *****, at least you could take that drug somewhere else where you know your parents wouldn't be around with you.
cam007_fml 0
Okay, thanks, I almost said the N word earlier. Glad I stopped myself.
terror_twins 0
Sleeping pills are insane.
nyc718 0
So now your mom knows you're a pinga goblin.. Fml how?.. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
BSPiotr 0
probably the best comment so far.
cmac86 24
that wouldn't have happened if you would learn to keep your pants on!
jamie_leeann23 0
I love ambien. :D good times.
icayal 0
you are supposed to get in bed right after you take it numb nuts.