Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
sparxva 12
Are you sure she didn't slip you a little sodium pentathol in an Ambien bottle?
neonskittzy 0
oh my they gave me that after I had my daughter... I thought that my baby was in the room she wasn't.. that shit tripped me out and not in a good way.
bsalway1212 0
how come a girl Is automatically a **** if she's post that she sexually active. that's night right
oNikkio 0
Ambien does the same to me, too. It makes me pretty dazed and confused, sometimes I'll rock back in forth, talk to myself and repeat phrases over and over, or keep touching something. Once while I was in the bathtub I kept splashing the water around, and the drain wasn't working correctly so I kept talking to it telling it to stop. . . While this is all happening I'm aware of what I'm doing, but I can't control myself.
Ajjas013 6
What if you get a threat or hate PM from another user? How would we report that?
Sirin_fml 47
Report it directly to me via PM for quickest resolution, or if you'd prefer not to, you can send an email to [email protected] detailing the abuse.
heyheyt 0
I think that everyone on here that's hating on snickerdoodles really needs to grow up and get a life becuase no one cares. she isn't doing anything wrong she's just expressing her opinions and if you can't see that, well then you must have the brain of a 3 year old. don't worry snickers, im a fan!
Ajjas013 6
Oh ok :) That's good to know I always have options. Nothing happened so don't worry =P
Ajjas013 6
She slept with Jesus, that puts her above all of us :)
AngryNinja 1
jesus would never do such a thing. how dare you offend my religious beliefs.
Ajjas013 6
Excuse me, Jesus impersonater*** Better?
AngryNinja 1
much. thanks ya xP
cam007_fml 0
Maybe he didn't mean Jesus Christ. Like Jesus, the Mexican outside Home Depot. Spelled the same but sound different.
Laeif 0
Ambien is one trippy drug. When I take it, I often wake up naked in rooms other than the one I went to sleep in, without any memory of how I got there. It's pretty ****** up.