Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
jnrockstar10 0
Ching Ching dara kaowa! translation (there are many dicks around me!)
blastvortex 4
If you didn't want your secrets to get out, then maybe you shouldn't have kept them in the first place. YDI. If you didn't want other people to know about your sexual relationships with all of those guys, then maybe you shouldn't have slept with them. YDI. If you didn't want to take a chance on drug-related problems, then maybe you shouldn't have taken drugs. YDI. Every time you gamble, you take a chance on losing. Duh.
jnrockstar10 0
If by fans you mean people that hate her then yes sh has loads of fans
Sirin_fml 47
Thanks for the informative statement, Jn.
tboudre 0
I've heard some stories. it's unbelieveable that ambien is legal! every time the commercial comes on, they add a side effect.
mdenoboy 0
don't feel bad my mom was the same way I got away with so much when I talked to her after she took her sleep meds
xsuperbikeracerx 0
Girl Ive taken Ambien and it ***** you up! It sucks what happened to you!
japcatsayshello 0
The first time i ever took ambien I thought my keyboard was melting into a hole in my desk! And then knocked out for like 16 hours.
japcatsayshello 0
The first time i ever took ambien I thought my keyboard was melting into a hole in my desk! And then knocked out for like 16 hours. And i now make it a priority that i log off facebook and dont text anyone after ive taken it XD BAD THINGS HAPPEN! Everyday my boyfriends like... you said "insert random crap here" last night... Im like... No i didnt? BUT it puts me to sleep... which wouldnt happen otherwise.
lil_tomboy 0
@ 41 Sparc. you are amazing!!! I've never heard a guy openly say this!! Marry me? hahaha!!!