Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
Sirin_fml 47
Over-the-top, hateful insults - and indeed death threats - are against site rules, Jenninsac.
LudicrousLadybug 2
Ambien does that to ya.
EwigStolz 0
Yo, where do they get these ****** these days? Fourteen and already knows all about Ambien. Shouldn't you be worried about whether or not you want to suck Jeremy's ****, not getting high after taking three ambiens, drinking two shots, and ******* all night. **** AMBIEN! Y'all should all be taking motion sickness with some sprite ;)
crackiebob 0
snickers I bet you ***** it up too
cam007_fml 0
I'ma throw it out, I'm a fan.
kemar7856 0
how many men were on the list
hi12345hi 0
http://ihatejade.com/?id=yirelwp52q8g591rzri7vevxjkw2wy hey go to this site
cam007_fml 0
@ Sirin, what exactly is an "over-the-top" comment?
DerangedFox 0
Awesome? Not really. I'm perscribed Ambien because it's the only sleeping medication that will knock me out. I know the side effects can be crazy. A lot of times even scary. Telling your mother about all your sexual encounters and when you not in a full state of conciousness is definitely NOT awesome. OP, what really sucks is that your mom just let you go on telling her these things when it's obvious you were on a drug. Trust me, it's not difficult to tell someone is on Ambien.
Sirin_fml 47
An over-the-top comment should be pretty obvious. Assume it means pretty much every comment that's hate-driven, particularly ones that are based on the user's race, gender, sexuality, appearance, and in recent cases, even hair colour. Using racial epithets is NOT permitted, and I moderate every instance I see of them, without exception. Things occasionally slip through the net, though, which is why it's helpful if you report such things, either to me or to another moderator.
Kockdiesel 0
YDI for being a ****!