Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML
Today, someone knocked at my door. I saw it was my Mom, so I flattened myself against the door and tried to be as quiet as possible. I pulled my phone out and almost had silenced it before she called and heard the ringtone through the door. I had to invite her in and hear the usual "get married and have kids." FML
Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML
Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was feeling too tired because I couldn't sleep last night, due to my mother's snoring. Since I stayed with both my parents and my sister in a small town for a vacation, I requested to sleep in separate rooms because my mother's snoring is disgustingly loud. She refused, and called me a crybaby. FML
Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I hope you fell asleep before hearing all of the sounds of her second time with a woman.
routerere 10
Just be glad you exist
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Comments (16)
RichardPencil 32
I hope you fell asleep before hearing all of the sounds of her second time with a woman.
routerere 10
Just be glad you exist
PenguinPal3017 19
ur family tree LGBT
julfunky 29
You know what they say: You snooze, you lose.
Dave_Davington 34
So, how was it for her?
Cz22mv 14
Kinda ur fault for fake sleeping bud...
Davros 12
sounds like your moms best friend is your new mom
Davros 12
well, now you know what that mouth do
Lobby_Bee 18
Plot twist, your mom knows you are fake sleeping and she deliberately made up this story to make you suffer silently.
thatslifeiguess7 16
That's what I would do.
ARISKomuniszt 24
To respond to the title: no u
Cali 57
I appreciate you.
ARISKomuniszt 24
no u ultra gru