Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML
Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML
Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some Adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, while I took my dog out, my mother began to cook, took a Xanax, locked the doors, and passed out. When I managed to get in, I called the paramedics because she was in the smoke for at least an hour. When she became conscious, she blamed me for everything. FML
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Top comments
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
rache8bab 1
awesome
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Comments (218)
perdix 31
Was your dad on the list?
crackiebob 0
23 you suck
brun12 1
You're an idiot
KiwiBlam 4
Calm down everyone, just coz she's slept with more than one guy doesn't mean she's a ****. Don't be jealous just coz she's getting more action than most of you
dota_pwnage 7
^^grind hahaha sorry guys had to put that
lucampillo 0
you need to read the side effects of a med before you take it. good thing you didn't go out naked
lovindepp 0
wow awsome! and how exactly did your mother react to this?
bigpapi210 0
what a *****!
EwigStolz 0
Score. Don't trip over SnickerDoofels. She gives the best relationship advice, FOR FREE. All here on FML to us caring individuals who could receive it no where else. Ah timeless classics from snick snick. Thanks hun!
p3rfect_ins4nity 0
don't take drugs without researching them, that's what I always do and if u can't handle them than give em to me:)
cam007_fml 0
What about selling? I sell all the time without researching.
dummykitty 0
that stuff does the same thing to me. I stopped taking it.
fatalkiss 0
i moderated this. :) and to all of you who are saying something about drug abuse, please shut up. ambien has side effects of making you do shit in your sleep. I,myself, have been prescribed it, and have done stupid things without knowing about them.
Howlingwolf 0
Damn a list?! Whether ur on drugs or not that's kinda sluttish if your in high school-lol at least it wasn't ur grandma: nxt stop, heart attack:0
EwigStolz 0
@34 Anyone who does things in their sleep on Ambien is a pussy. I've been prescriped it as well. All it did was put me to sleep for about three hours and then make me wake up. I've never forgotten anything, or done stupid shit on them. Get the **** out of the house and do something with some back in it. Bitch drugs - Ambien, CCC's, Roba DM Real Men Drugs - Oxy, Vicoden, Opiates, Crack Emphasis on Crack. It's the latest diet craze.
PsychoMerk 0
I've taken Vicoden... a "manly" drug... do I have a penis even though I'm a 16 year old girl? O_O I didn't abuse btw >_>
sugarbabyxoxo 2
hahahahah! crack man! are you kidding me I laugh at all you ******* custys makin my boys money! hahaha and you guys are paying to killl your self! and I'm rolling in your money! hahahahahahaaa loser!
expen_dable 0
heroin while pregnant = a kid who looks like snickerdoodles
Sindyy 0
Well, it could have been worse.