Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
Savra_fml 17
First he puts on dirty underwear after a shower, and now this! Stop giving head OP!
nick347b 6
He's enjoying it. Trust me, I'm a guy.
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Comments (221)
harshpatel009 4
U shud slap him silly
SecretMe00 5
Someone got side tracked!!!
VenomSiphon 13
His only chance for double penetration
tanneriscool 2
3 amazing pleasures all in one.
uncleturtle 0
It was hard for him to resist.
cobanjo 2
Why slap him....he must have been relaxed
gman90210 18
Maybe you suck!!! Lmao
jkmartinjk 16
At least he didn't say something insulting? ... Nah FYL
Potterfreakk 6
I'd be insulted.
cheefer 0
Millions of babies died on her face. Show some sympathy.
jkmartinjk 16
Yeah me too... But he didn't say something rude on top of being a dick.
mmjluvi 1
I'd stop and walk away
ClassyCommando 13
He probably wouldn't notice. He's in a magical dreamland, where he is in an intergalactic war with midget Space-Squids.
captaincook_fml 1
From the looks of your pro pic, I doubt anyone has ever let u give them head! Lmao
JacobWithaY 5
132 Bro.. Shut up
aruam365 24
132- You're an asshole stfu!
mmjluvi 1
I don't have that problem my husband likes it to much lmao
aruam365 24
143- Don't take anyone on FML too seriously, they're literally bullies hiding behind their computers. They think because it's online it's okay to be a complete asshole, it's not though. I doubt any girl has been willing to give him head judging from how he talks to women!
danielnieves 4
Gross
Nutty4Muffs 3
What's up with the people in this thread? Gross on its own.
Zoranius 6
"Don't take anyone on FML too seriously" Okay, i won't take you too seriously then! :D
JurassicHole 5
154- If you're talking about 38, which by your comment seems to be the case, he was making a joke. Having a sense of humor does not an asshole make. Taking things to seriously does the opposite however.
aruam365 24
190- I'm not referring to 38. There was a comment from some guy insulting her appearance.
nick347b 6
He's enjoying it. Trust me, I'm a guy.
ClassyCommando 13
Absolutely. OP seems to have screwed him stupid. He'll be back to normal in about half an hour.
sickjairo 7
Wow I read this comment to fast and thought it said,"I'm gay" at the end haha
fancyclown 9
I don't know... I usually do this sitting in math class.
afunnyterdcody 5
Haha math sucks doesn't it.
Jakesterk96 8
Naw, it blows.
tristonien 0
Haha yep ur right
rcloca 10
Pick, pick, picking away, huh?
TalkingTowelTim 0
Your dog is really cute! *sorry to be off topic*
RussianFox 13
More like digging for gold
rcloca 10
Thanks! *also off topic*
Danny0522 8
Every time i see you comment, i take a look at the profile so i can see the puppy better, and every time i read the "stop stalking me" message...
tellithowitis 13
Ok we'll stop talking to you now.
BostonBruinsFan 8
Your dog is awesome, I had to put my life long companion,(a toy fox terroir) down=(. *sorry of topic*
BostonBruinsFan 8
P.S., we aren't stalking you, it's just that your dog reminds us of our companions!!!!
danishbagel 3
These first comments blow.
james352 2
LOL THAT JUST TELLS YOU ABOUT YOUR HEAD GAME !!! Needs improvement
ManlyDunsparce 3
He rated it as "meh" on the "pathetic to OH YEEEAAA" scale.
Savra_fml 17
First he puts on dirty underwear after a shower, and now this! Stop giving head OP!
BostonBruinsFan 8
Your right, it's the same exact op!!!!!! Op, just divorce him, right now!!!
EvilPotato 15
111 the answers not always divorce, although many think that's a false statement.
aruam365 24
134- I actually agree with you but considering my "extreme amounts of stupidity" I guess that makes me wrong and since I agree with you, you must wrong too! Rude of you to add me to your stupid list - no one cares!
MedKits 9
151 -You're the one that made a pointless comment, thus, obviously you care.
BostonBruinsFan 8
159, im a ******* guy!!! And I kno that's disgusting!! STFU!!
chelseaaababyyy 17
learn some new techniques. a little variety helps(:
ICaughtFire 4
Expert blower, huh?
chelseaaababyyy 17
no. it just makes sense that somebody would'nt like the same thing over and over, especially since they are married. lacking variety is a big problem in marriages.
Potterfreakk 6
20- Beat me to it.
SnowGo 1
Hey.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Do I detect a tinge of jealousy, 20?
TexasMud 8
29, you should become a marriage counselor
BrigaDoon48 8
Variety helps both parties. I've gotten to the point of counting sheep as I bobbed... Mmmmarried sex.
vturbz91 0
Aha I think so
braxdan50 4
Chelsea is very right, variety is awesome. Getting the same stuff is boring!
ICaughtFire 4
Damn, Shrooms, you know my hearts desires.
justmethough 8
The man obviously holds the key to all pleasures.