Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
Savra_fml 17
First he puts on dirty underwear after a shower, and now this! Stop giving head OP!
nick347b 6
He's enjoying it. Trust me, I'm a guy.
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Comments (221)
Volleyball1o 0
Wonder what he enjoyed more...?
firemedic919 0
damn are you the same as the other dumbass whose husband couldn't wear clean clothes or are you just as ****** stupid to continue giving head to a ****** retard just as the other did
BostonBruinsFan 8
She is other op!! It's the same girl!!
xXRazelleLuniiXx 9
I find it funny that you say this as you do not add proper conjunction, punctuation, grammar, and spelling... yet you continue to call OP a retard. Honestly, it is her husband. She loves him, and is not a retard to give sexual favors after marriage, which is more than most can say. As I can tell by the way you even post this comment, I declare you as "****** stupid". It was an incident which she obviously doesn't take seriously if it is on FML, sir. FYL for being "the same as the other dumbass", Herp McDerpington.
BostonBruinsFan 8
Can people stop being an MC GRAMMAR???
VaGino432 0
he was more than likely clearing his nose to avoid mouth breathing just be glad your not my bitch, you'd have pig tails for better grip.
Dracoboxer357 36
KaySL, sexist virgins aside, may I ask what your profile pic is? I haven't the foggiest idea if it's an abstract spore cloud off of a flower or something non-objective. Either way, I kinda like it. :)
BadSuerte 0
You should add hot sauce, make him pay attention more. (;
TexasMud 8
And this is why people should NEVER get married
RamenForTheWin 10
Yeah, who needs love, anyway? >.>
prettypinkpixie 9
People should never get married because OP's husband picks his nose? I wish I had read this FML before I got married, it would have saved me years of a nose picking husband!
thewife5 19
I've been married for 14 years and I'm pretty positive I get laid wayyyyy more than you do and way better.. Maybe the op just sucks at ******** which isn't the best technique
GovernorGeneral 8
Bite it. :)
unitedfan11 0
You must really suck!!! Anybody? Anybody?? Ah nevermind...
biggestfan23 11
Hell no that could be one of the worst turn offs ever
Pelreskovich 11
Next time use one of your hands to pick it for him since it obviously turns him on!
Akharr01 5
I think he needs a book!