Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I was in bed feeling sad and depressed because I hate my career and several major life choices I made for the wrong reasons. My husband, who had been trying to cheer me up all day, put the icing on the cake by saying, “Is this a bad time to mention the blowjob you promised me yesterday?” FML
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Top comments
coolcocoxxx 12
That's when you let him sleep on the couch. Yeah, FYL. Guys like that need to realize that girls are looking for more in a relationship than sex.
jjohnson26559 1
What dick. He could've at least asked to 69.
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Comments (162)
coolcocoxxx 12
That's when you let him sleep on the couch. Yeah, FYL. Guys like that need to realize that girls are looking for more in a relationship than sex.
Psych101 9
Especially since OP is actually already married and not just dating. They chose to spend their lives together, he should definitely be looking for more than sex.
coolcocoxxx 12
20- Exactly! I mean, I know I'm young and whatever but, when I do get married, I want some sort of balance. It can't be all about sex, there's soo much more to a healthy relationship.
Redoxx_fml 22
He'll just give himself a stranger
rhysfucker 24
Exactly. It's not about sex after 10 years; it's about quiet... Kidding! It's about making each other happy.
katiekatlovesu 5
People change. Before he got married to OP, he might have been just a "sweet" and fun-loving guy and OP might have enjoyed it too. But well, people change ...
sens3sfailing 25
I don't get why you are getting thumbed down 25. You are exactly right.
VorpikeII 17
Why only look for more than sex after marriage? Why not in a relationship as well?
Psych101 9
94- I said ESPECIALLY after marriage, not only.
isaiaah 6
Well they shouldn't just cut sex out of their relationship completely, its good for a marriage when the two partners have regular sex, but yes I agree it shouldn't all be about sex. Romantic dinners and such are always the best things, because you can have a romantic dinner then sex!
Bekeliyr 10
If someone has a high sex drive, you cannot stop them. if they're not getting what they want at home, they'll find it some place else.
kittysundae 8
There are more of us girls then guys. Find a place where that is not the case and guys will be pretty nice to you.
MDTeddy 13
I agree with Op. I would like to do something else like play video games or go hang with friends or watch a movie or browse the web or play more games.
fucking_dev 2
my girlfriend tries to make me sleep on my couch while she sleeps in my bed sometimes ... in MY house ..keyword tries ..
thes7274473 19
Don't blame ALL guys. Not all of them are like that.
alshygirl 14
People who blow together stay together :)
Psych101 9
Interesting, I've never heard that one before. What other relationship advice do you have for me?
katiekatlovesu 5
One advice from me. If you were caught cheating, just say that you tripped and fell into a ******. Not that I think you would cheat though.
hellachillin 8
Maybe mentioning sex got him pretty horny. It's no big deal, I'm sure this conversation will blow over eventually(;
NickyK 25
36- Some even simpler advice for you.. Don't cheat!
zakkyzebra 11
What a dick. Try marriage counseling. He sounds like he doesn't even listen to you, which is never good in a relationship.
Marteeny23 19
Your picture completely goes against what you just said.....
zakkyzebra 11
You know what I have to say to that? **** or gtfo.
jennabug0403 4
14- it just a picture.. Maybe he thinks its funny? Cause It kinda is...
Turtle_rebellion 10
Marriage counciling is the death sentence on a marriage. If you need someone to help work out problems with your spouse, you aren't understanding enough to be in a relationship with them. Although maybe I'm just biased because I know someone who's wife divorced him for their marriage councilor
kirbeaar 19
97 - I disagree with that completely. Sometimes people need help with communication, or someone else's point of view on the issues they're having.
bsmith9942 11
119 - your world view is so screwed up. Life does not revolve around sex. And a healthy marriage is not based on only your sex life. If you can't think of anything else to do together then that is never a good sign.
jjohnson26559 1
What dick. He could've at least asked to 69.
LaughinStock 16
Mhmm 4, because 69 is the only dinner for two.
DrownedMyFish 18
Well, that must blow Lol Lol But seriously, your life sucks. Sometimes a serious relationship can be too hard to swallow for some guys.
Redoxx_fml 22
That's not the only thing that's hard to swallow
pokefan813 16
Ginormous pills are hard to swallow... Damn multivitamins...
stolencookie 17
You could only wish this could have been realized BEFORE they got married, huh? :(
ebonyirony 29
Well maybe he wanted it to think straight afterwards. My guy is a totally different person post-ejaculation.
zakkyzebra 11
Haha true that! For some reason listening to women after ****** comes a bit easier.
Redoxx_fml 22
*slow clap
outoftown 27
Clarity of thought = sleep?
hadrian2012 2
Happy early birthday
hadrian2012 2
And it sucks but some guys need to get off and it's not fair to look down on a guy for it because it's a natural part of male biology that's been serving mankinds reproductive needs for countless generations, on the other hand to ask mid sentence does make this guy a dick
lovepandorasaver 11
FYL OP, I guess you could look at it like he wanted a clear head before discussing appropriate ways to improve the marriage.
iliketomoveit123 10
Did you give him one?
Loboman 6
Remember this when you get married. Marry the person you love, not the person you think you can turn him into.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
She shouldn't. She should tease the **** out of him, and then literally blow on his penis. :F
JazzyByProxy 14
"No ******* shit she doesn't like to! Who likes putting dicks in their mouth? That's why they call it blow jobs! It's a job!" -Seth Rogen
petraphotoDOTca 6
yesssssssssss
dreadedoreo 0
Wrong.
CheeseTron 15
That blows
Turtle_rebellion 10
So does your pun.
CheeseTron 15
That sucks
Dixbfloppin 11
So does your other pun.
minus20 4
Sex is the foundation of a relationship plu blow jobs are the shit
olpally 33
You sound like op's husband...no it's not!
solosohigh 15
everyone must take 11's advice. he is clearly the most intelligent person on fml.
DocBastard 40
Oh shit, I always though the foundation of a relationship was mutual respect and friendship! How could I have gotten it so wrong? Ten years of marriage...it was all a sham! Dammit, Mrs. Bastard is going to be so disappointed.