Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend had his arm around me. He pulled me closer, so I looked up, thinking maybe he wanted a kiss. Turns out he was picking his nose over my head. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend trying to pick my nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
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Top comments
Savra_fml 17
First he puts on dirty underwear after a shower, and now this! Stop giving head OP!
nick347b 6
He's enjoying it. Trust me, I'm a guy.
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Comments (221)
Ins_Knie 2
Marital sex... 'nuff said.
bustub2 8
You "picked" a real winner!!!
derpster 7
he's gold. get it? like digging for... no? nothing? tough crowd. *slinks off of FML and curls up in corner*
BostonBruinsFan 8
#62, what's that picture of?? An idiot? I'm just asking.......
perdix 31
Maybe his prostate gland is in his nostril. Linda Lovelace's ******** was in her throat, so medical oddities are possible.
TalkingTowelTim 0
I wonder how that felt to eat...amazing or awful.
perdix 31
I heard she got tired of being on an all-sauage and corn dog diet.
Llamacod 11
No, no, no. Linda Lovelace's clit was not in her throat. She played a character who supposedly had their clit in their throat, she did not have a clit in her throat in real life. Oh yea, if you see a movie about a teen girl who has teeth in her ****** and "bites" guys' penises off, that is also not real; she doesn't actually have teeth in her ******.
rhysfucker 24
Aaah...back when **** pretended to have a plot. None of the chicks were hot and they all had huge shaggy beavers. Thanks for the mammaries, Perdix!
perdix 31
#73, did you stay and watch all of the credits for "Deep Throat?" At the very end, it said "Based on a true story." You probably missed it because you left early and started masturbating, like a normal guy. And, yes, ****** dentata is real. Why would there be a word for it otherwise? Hmm?
Llamacod 11
Wow, based on that logic, I'm going to jump on my unicorn and go battle the minotaur as there are names for both creatures they must be real
ccspanthers89 4
You must not be doing it right
GypsyRover 0
A good bj is hard to find.
rahrah765765 11
...
BostonBruinsFan 8
Rah rah ott att ahhuhh, sorry. But good bjs are hard to come by. (if my gf would stop sucking me, but I don't want her to)
ICATiger 13
Well any future blow jobs are S'NOT gonna happen
OhHushDear 11
Fail. The "s'not" thing literally means "is not." So you basically just said "any future ******** are is not gonna happen." Weird sounding, huh? Try "a future ******* s'not gonna happen." That's better.
isofia85 0
You spelled the same thing....
ladyLALAA 29
51 calm your shit I think it was a joke..
BostonBruinsFan 8
51, stop being M.C. Grammar!!!!!!
The_Tool1 13
51, calm your *******. Dayumm.
BostonBruinsFan 8
^^^^^^^^^^Uhh, 149, I just said that^^^^^^^
lovertolover 4
So get up and find something else to suck
BeccaHugs 17
Oh just suck it up. (pun intended)
BostonBruinsFan 8
Your always puny! (pun intended)
farnsworth 3
Never make eye contact haha just kidding.
Pentium_4 27
he's livin the good life