Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss left early, so I decided to take an extended break and run home. I found my wife in bed with my boss. I got fired for leaving work. FML
Today, my wife came home from work early and told me she'd been fired. She was really upset so I told her how much she means to me and how much I love her to help cheer her up. She then told me she was caught getting it on with another employee. FML
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML
Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML
Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML
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Top comments
Terezi 0
Maybe she sent it to the wrong person by accident.
HahaHokayThen 10
calm down. maybe she was drunk. haha
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Comments (201)
kcoell 0
first :)
responses 0
have sex with her
WishResign 0
agree with number 4... at least give her the motorboat. or bring your happily married hubby in on the fun.
iSitt 0
just close your eyes and think of England ... or the Queen.
Red7646 0
I agree with 15. threesome ftw
KingDingALing 9
But before the sex, there is a conrrsation...it will go something like this... "So you want to do it, boss?" "Yeah! I want you really bad!" "Well...there's a problem. You see, I'm not a lesbian..." "**** you. You're fired." "But I need this job!" "To bad. You should've had sex with me and you would've gotten a nice raise. Unfortunately for you, you are now jobless." "...If I suck you off, can I have my job back?" "Now you're talking!"
memiimariee 0
pretend you didn't get a text
MrSassypants 34
I agree with 51 the most but OP kinda pretend that you did then bring a recorder just in case and then when/if she confronts you about it then you can say you didn't receive one and ask about what it was, then record it then you can say no to her and if she fires you you can take it to court and have two types of evidence.
ATL_chris 6
that's more of an FHL since she can't fire you for it
evildemonchild 18
for all you know she can bisexual too. so calm your high horse ._.
hemz_fml 13
maybe it wasn't for you, maybe it was for someone else but she just sent it to you by accedent?
DudeImBetter 0
56 is your name mr sassy pants or mrs assy pants.
Bloodberry 0
lmao 90... it's a guy so you choose ;)
kellanlvr 1
lmao 90 x)
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
lesbians mmmm
Uscdrew1 7
71, that's just what I was thinking.
weerdo52 0
what the **** are you talking about!?
weerdo52 0
nice **** 17.
KiwiExchange 16
At times like these, all you can do is act stupid, as if you never got the message.(:
Thin_Ice_fml 0
at least you aren't the lesbian. FYL.
EmoLittleBish 0
Maybe she sent it to the wrong person?
MattChristensen 14
Do you know what any of the words that you just said mean?
SCBeauty1983 0
Hmmm, that'll make for some interesting breakfast conversation!
pooper19 3
How do u like your eggs scrambled or fertilized?
teddybobo 2
I'll bet your husband will be very excited whether he admits it or not
chlorinegreen 27
Today, I accidentally sent a private text to my employee that was meant for my boyfriend. Well there goes my job. FML
iKam16 2
Damn, I bet she'll fire you.
metallicatime 0
I agree
zinoxity 23
Yeah, I agree. Act like it never happened.
iluvcupkakes 0
agree
Flutist 3
You're retarded. Why "text" her back about it? What would Op say, "Hey I got the text about you wanting to do me. I am strictly dickly, so sorry, see you Monday." If the text was missent then the Op is in for some embarrassment, if the Boss was drunk then she might not even remember it. If it was serious and the Op is uncomfortable with it, she should go talk to her boss in private, say "I think you sent the wrong text to me" and then if the Boss continues, the Op should bring it up to the board--only if the Op wants to go through all the trouble. IF not then ignore it and pretend it never happened.
Lucidium 0
you overthink. stfu.
ToeCutter 0
turn her into HR get her fired then take her job!
Zero221 0
Wow, that's a dick move..
IMcPwn 12
Her indirectly blackmailing OP is the dick move...
HahaHokayThen 10
calm down. maybe she was drunk. haha
Aksel_fml 0
you stole my pic :'(
HahaHokayThen 10
...You like Krabby Patties don't you Squidward?
Terezi 0
Maybe she sent it to the wrong person by accident.
Graawr 7
You can make her send a naughty pic then blackmail her. mwahahaha *evil laugh*
bryan1992 0
that's evil hah
Wannabe_Hero 0
you're my hero
wilderraw 0
lol u funny u would be a great friend and probably many great qualities
LOLSWAT 0
wrong number? still keep an open mind. ur in for one hell of a promotion if you play ur cards right. plus now u can blackmail her if shit turn sour and uve got job security as well as a horny friend. and ur husband will be a happy man if he gets to watch.
joethemaggio 0
what makes you think her husband would be happy about watching his wife cheat on him?! not to mention with another woman! I know I'd be wayyyy more pissed off at my wife if I found out she cheated on me AND she was a homosexual!!!!
freelove_fml 2
******* homophobe.
ShadyFTW1 0
He's a ******* homophobe because he doesn't want his wife to cheat? Hardly
Babushka_Homyak 10
98, he's a homophobe because he said he would be pissed to not only find out that his wife was cheating, but to also find out that she was homosexual. Sounds like homophobia to me.
tbe99 2
Not necessarily homophobia. I'd be pretty pissed to find out my significant other had been hiding part of their sexuality from me for a long time. And I'm totally okay with lesbianism.
fmlisforlols 0
#109, try again, retard. He'd be upset because his wife LIED about her sexuality, for however long they have been together. Sorry he didn't specify for a deficient little **** like you, but it's clear to anyone else.
Currentlyonfire 4
idk 113. but I'll leave all the gay thoughts to you. have fun watching dick in dick action whatever turns you on.
thewayitis_fml 0
it sounds like 26 would rather have his wife cheat with another man then with a woman. There is a hint of homophobia in his comment and those saying that there isn't are making assumptions... maybe he could clarify this for us.
jal10a 1
126 but u also have to b making an assumption off of his comment rather than speaking with him directly and saying it's worse if she was cheating with a girl doesn't exactly mean he's a homophobe
Flutist 3
1. He would be upset if his wife cheated--with a man or a woman, period. 2. Obviously he would be pissed if his wife turned out to be homosexual (not bisexual) because it would mean he was a fool and married a woman who lied to him and does not sexually like him. I would be pissed to learn my significant other was lying to me about who they really were and perhaps 'forcing' themselves to be with me out of some guilt. 3. Even if he is homophobic his comment does not necessarily say that he is. We are on a message board about a woman who was supposedly hit on by her female boss. You guys started the comments about having a threesome, he was just stating that in THIS SITUATION he would be pissed to learn his wife was both a liar and a cheat, and on top of that might not be with him for very long due to her new sexuality change. 4. It seems to me that if his wife were bisexual he would not mind, but any straight man who loves his wife would not want to learn that his wife is really a lesbian and does not truly want him sexually.
cruzer555 1
your a homophobe...
bv110 2
hes not a homophobe he just doesnt want to find out his wife is cheating on him!
jdude2913 0
I'm a homophobe. but I try not to be mean about it
mojo5678 5
And you're an idiot
AssDan 0
*insert random threesome nonsense here*
jdog23 0
I'll provide the dick you provide the ****
lol_ironic_life 9
Wow interesting situation here...you can do many things here. - Ignore the text like it never happened. - Take your boss on her desk and film it, profit? (Hubby doesn't have to know ;)) - Find a new job. - Or ask hubby to join, errybody happy! ^_^
riseofabreakings 0
sorry I meant the 4th one