Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML
Today, a woman called my work and accused me of having an affair with her husband, my coworker, demanding that my boss discipline me. I don't know her, I barely know her husband, and I haven't had sex in months. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office. He had a huge smile on his face, so I assumed I was going to get promoted. He then sat down, and told me that he had been sleeping with my wife for the last three months. He still had a huge smile on his face. FML
Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML
Today, after I had an excellent one night stand with a guy yesterday, I saw him at work. He was a client my boss was trying to talk into a deal. The guy recognised me and accused my boss of sending me to seduce him into signing the contract. The deal fell apart and my boss is livid with me. FML
Today, my boss/husband fired me from my job because I didn't sleep with him last night. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
Damn, what an insecure bitch. Also I love how she confronts you first instead of her husband.
badbunny 0
Just tell her you're a cross dressing man.
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Comments (64)
The_Pleb 0
FIRST!!!! I AM FIRSST!!!! WIN+ 5
The_Pleb 0
Poor you... Anyway.. Before my comment was rudely deleted i was just saying that.. Im FIRSSST!!
Badgermx 0
that sucks =/ hope she listens to reason.. or you find a better job
Reyo 2
Just hang up on her. I got a call from one of my friends where she started yelling at me for her missing phone. "I know you took it! You take everything!" "I haven't been to your house in 3 months." "I don't care! Give it back!" "...we're done here." (crazy bitch)
dcbog123 0
put out more
Badgermx 0
do you honestly feel the need to reply on my post just so you can be on top of the FML? what a loser (#36 and #38)
dcbog123 0
do you honestly feel the need to reply on your own post just so you can point out that we replied to your comment to be on top? what a loser(#41)
alberto_t 0
seriously, you're the loser dcbog123, not only are you replying just for the sake of being on top but you're being redundant and childish, you can't possibly expect him/her to answer in the same manner as you did without looking every bit as stupid. as you do... so.. what you think is a "burn" is just you showing how much of a douche you are..
Badgermx 0
haha, thank you, my thoughts exactly
depotst 0
You're a douche, too... Just sayin'
redshortsx 0
uh oh. anonymous strangers think of eachother as losers.. why make it a thing?
badbunny 0
Just tell her you're a cross dressing man.
DameGreyWulf 1
Damn, what an insecure bitch. Also I love how she confronts you first instead of her husband.
Sun_Kissed18 25
She might have and the husband could have blammed it all on OP to save himself? Though that wouldn't work with me so I don't know if that would really work but its just a theory
voodootrucker 0
fake nobody has a job in montana
Horde 8
She were just bluffing about your 'history' or confused you with another. Just tell your boss about her wife harassing you and leave it him to deal with his domestic dragon, it's not your problem :]
Lythiaren 8
Wow. Just... wow. Wrong number, perhaps?
Rayn4u_fml 0
She knows about your history of sleeping with married men? Maybe they posted a timeline on the company website!
PierceMePretty 0
Or she was one of the married men OP slept with. Lol jk
JessiGoose 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you're a virgin, take her to a doctor and he can confirm your abstinence. That's one way.
MissCharlotte_fml 26
Seems a little... I dont know... extreme. Also hymens can be broken without sex *The More You Know*
RandomHavoc1 13
You can also have sex without breaking the hymen, too, so your point is invalid.
_Tybug_ 4
lol
mura_fml 0
I love how on this site it's always virgins who get accused of sleeping with other people's husbands/wifes.