Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML
Today, my husband got jealous of my new vibrator. I got the vibrator to "spice things up" between us, because he hasn't touched me in months. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
And it vibrates. And it doesn't fart and leave its socks all over the place.
shannon2348 14
First of all does she have to report every purchase she makes? And I hate to tell you this but size has nothing to do with it. It's all in how you use it. ydi
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Comments (25)
Amanda G Rich 23
so? its a toy not you.
Charlie Given 28
Sounds like it's time for a serious talk with your wife if she'd rather have sex with a toy then you.
rotflqtms_ 21
Or if she'd rather have sex with him then the toy... that way it can finish her off when he leaves her hanging.
Karmarocks946 9
for it to finish her off, they'd have to be doing something in the first place. the op says she doesn't want to have sex anymore. that's a replacement not an aid
RichardPencil 32
And it vibrates. And it doesn't fart and leave its socks all over the place.
Petra Grote 20
And it makes a fabulous whipped cream.
shannon2348 14
First of all does she have to report every purchase she makes? And I hate to tell you this but size has nothing to do with it. It's all in how you use it. ydi
tounces7 28
Yeah, it's how you use it sure, but I seriously doubt he can make his dick vibrate on 15 different settings either while simultaneously providing clit stimulation.
Gubbon 17
He deserves what, exactly?
Mathalamus 25
Oh well. It's not up to you to decide what she buys with her own money. Get over it.
thisisbutaname 38
Maybe you can talk about it and incorporate the new "guy" in your activities? It may turn out fun for both of you. Also, a few others said she didn't have to tell him. You're right, but she didn't have to keep it a secret either. She didn't need his permission but it would have been nice to share.
mfranks19891989 10
Time for you to get your penis inlarged.
CoriCat 25
To be fair, she is under no obligation to tell when she bought something so personal
bigdikbubls 5
since she apparently wasnt obligated to tell you anything... get yourself one of those fancy new sex dolls. those things are legit
Iamthebanzai22 21
She probably hid it from you because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. I agree with the others, you two can explore this new thing together. In fact, it will be a bonding moment and you will be a real man in her eyes for not being threatened by a toy. Remember that your **** is only one of many body parts that you have to use for her pleasure. You also have lips, fingers, a tongue, a brain (i.e. creativity) and ears (i.e. listen to what she wants). If the toy suggests that she is a size queen, maybe try fisting? As for a small ****, it is amazing how much pleasure a woman derives from just having the entrance of her ****** teased with a ****. You sure don't need 10" for that. Also, read up all that you can about pleasuring a woman. To a woman, emotional intimacy is much sexier than a big ****.