Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I learned that my parents lied. They didn't meet each other at an acid house rave. They met each other at a crack house. FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML
Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
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Top comments
EverestMelting 23
Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!
damn_all 22
Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.
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Comments (46)
damn_all 22
Well hopefully it had no consequences for you.
Roskosity 22
Eh. Doubtful. LSD
ohcheriecherie 20
I kind of doubt it would have an effect on the baby...as long as the mom didn't trip while pregnant
Lebeaugars95 20
he gave her the trippy stick
damn_all 22
Yes by repercussions or consequences I was implying that I hope they stopped after they conceived. So it would not affect the pregnancy
EverestMelting 23
Your parents seem really open minded. Your dad seems funny as well. Just be happy you're alive!
gjikvtj 18
And that you can't see the dragon in front of the fridge.
katieemerr 15
Your parents sound amazing!
accidentalsheep 24
Well, there isn't anything you can really do to change that, so in that sense FYL. But at the same time, you can strive to prove him wrong and show that LSD did not, in fact, shape any weird or unsightly habits and behaviours you might have. Just be glad you're alive! (: And, you know, you have to appreciate that honesty
krundale 6
Just be happy he wasn't on any drugs at the time.
nursecait 8
Sarcasm!? Haha
swampbaby985 30
#4. Do you know what LSD is?
EdenCrystal 21
I'm sure he is joking
hulopro 16
it probably means you have super powers. trust me...
Sandman366 6
Or it explains why you're so crazy awesome.
relaxeazy 24
Pretty sure if you were a girl you'd be called Lucy…
singer0421 32
Depends... Does he live in the sky and have diamonds?
gjikvtj 18
Come on man Lucy's the one in the sky
SparkyRoxYurSox 16
Dad of the year award goes to...
shudson186 17
Don't you love it when your parents screw you over? Even before they gave birth to you.
singer0421 32
He went down while high... Classy.