Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, I realized how sex-deprived I am when the thought of owning condoms gave me a rock-solid erection. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
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Top comments
liindsey 25
I agree with the pig comment, but it's also kind of pig-ish to keep someone around till you can find someone better..
ifailplzinsultme 0
Sounds like karma is the only thing that's been screwing you lately.
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Comments (182)
Enigmax2514 7
Poor sucker, jumped from the pan into the fire
whatgoescomes 5
You ass
perdix 31
You're such a loser, you can probably safely do without the condoms. People who transmit STDs usually have multiple partners -- and getting girls pregnant requires balls, which you don't seem to have.
HomelessMuslim 0
Or he's a transvestite and they don't work.
drawmesunshine 17
I don't think you know what a transvestite is.
DamnSmooth 0
Did you actually just call someone a loser for practicing safe sex ? Sure, while every generation has it's share of dumb, naive & stupid kids who do dumb, naive & stupid things; this generation may very well be the first to be entirely consumed by it & should do the world a favor & kill itself. (For once in your life; people may very well compliment you for having done something productive & respectable. Especially Mom & Dad.)
Cinn_fml 23
Perdix is not usually serious. Rule #5. Basically, it's called a joke.
DamnSmooth 0
Oops ! Sorry 'bout that ! ... actually, no; I'm not. Besides, it all really just comes full circle with how this generation isin't good at most things & should kill itself.
Cinn_fml 23
Nice, aren't you?
bitchesbecrazy2 4
84- why, so you can turn the world into black nail polish wearing douche bags like yourself? do you really think you're that much better than us? with each passing generation technology improves a great deal. without new generations there you would be stuck with the same old shit instead of getting the greatest new thing and nothing would ever move forward or improve. So, as a conclusion to my rant, go **** yourself you conceded whiny bitch.
Sweej 1
Right, so you can't get a woman pregnant either.
FYLDeep 26
Stfu #84. #1 Perdix was obviously joking in that post. #2 You used Perdix's comment to make a generationist statement about the new generation being the worst of them all, when I'm sure Perdix is at least a generation older than you are. I'm still looking for the logic behind that.
drawmesunshine 17
@DamnSmooth Aww, you're so angsty.. And surely you MUST know how the world works. I mean, kids made fun of you in high school; you've been through SO much!! You poor guy... Why aren't you president yet? I would vote for you and your infinite wisdom and knowledge of what the world needs these days.
DamnSmooth 0
That's good to know. Sure, it was sarcasm; but it'll do. Once I'm elected, my first order of business will be to punch every kid that follows the whole 'I hate incorrect spelling/grammar on the Internet & therefore must correct it because it bothers me THAT much' fad in the face. (Let's not kid ourselves - 80% of the country is already backing me up on that.)
DamnSmooth 0
And shortly after that I will provide a bicycle-riding monkey on every driveway, and a midget dressed as a lawn gnome in every backyard. (AND an exclusive copy of the 'Hot Girl Butthole Calendar' on every kitchen wall, which will showcase pictures of ... well, you get the picture. Vote ME !)
Enslaved 38
Water ballon time! Don't waste the fun you're not having.
MiaLoves 8
YDI for being a pig and dumping her just for not having sex with you enough.
Cinn_fml 23
Ok, so you broke up with your gf because you weren't having enough sex, I guess that's kinda fair enough, depending on how you did it. Though it does suggest all you care about is sex, which is not necessarily a good trait. However, you are single, and you're apparently now uncapable of getting any... So either you really suck at pulling, or you really aren't trying.
detective_oreo 0
Ydi for not being a player!
susannegela 0
HAHH lesson learned.
iNb4 0
Well at least your current ex girlfriend did not use them for other guys. Overall, YDI
robo_thunder 13
To cheer you up, I bet shes had a ton of sex since you dumped her.