Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML
Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML
Today, I met a girl at a bar, we had a few drinks and really hit it off. We headed back to my place to get a little action. As she was riding me, she got rougher and rougher until she reached down and yanked a patch of hair right out of my beard. I yelped in pain and didn’t even finish. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML
Today, my girlfriend stuck her finger up my butt while giving me a hand-job, promising it would feel really good. It just felt awkward and made me need to poop. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
shadowgamer_x 0
What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!
Althenias 0
try shaving, problem solved
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (287)
doodlingdavid 0
don't lie
DiscoSlut 0
I chose to thumb this down cuz of one reason, but I won't say it cuz i'll just end up getting banned... Again
L3Paparazzo 7
what a trooper :P
Keyman1212 14
Nice username 12. Do you get a lot of action on here? I'd assume not, seeing as this isn't a ******* social networking site. Go to myspace to ***** yourself out.
enonymous 9
12 - I think it's because you're from Sweden. There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
dsbs 9
1- your picture brought the lulz
WCARlover 35
Don't comment
flapjacklux 8
Be strong man.
Richard16 0
On FML it seems like alot of girls need to step their game up with things like these. But OP, this would have never happened if you did something before trying to get a handjob.
LiveLaughFML 10
#86: step up our game? just be happy you're getting one and enjoy it.
nigrice 0
Enjoy getting our pubes ripped out?..... Right...
Richard16 0
122- You got a point but a guy wouldnt want a girl to **** up everytime, but its better than nothing as well.
JustHello123 1
agree 122 they should be happy that they are getting it. Op should step up his game and shave his pubes.
Richard16 0
137- Yea thats true he is slacking on his part but at the end of the day atleast he got something instead of nothing.
Georgieeporgiee 9
If I ever met you in person I don't think I could resit not to scoop you...
Keyman1212 14
Scoop what? Wtf...
StoryOfTheYear 15
She's talking about ice cream scoops which are put onto cones. Cones are usable to let people know if there is road construction. The construction workers hard hats are made of plastic. Plastic also is used to make cases. In this case I have no idea what she is talking about. I just wanted to take up space.
MrShizzBear 0
Guys, we shouldnt laugh at the OP. Obviously he's in a pretty hairy situation. ;)
fakeaccountX 6
Deforestation can be painful.
KatherineAnne 7
I'd rather my bf tell me if I hurt him... Lol
nomnom5559922 0
Ripped out a pube?
MagicGiraffe 12
Pubes = the hairs that grow around the genitalia...
WCARlover 35
Congratulations, you know how to read
MissBunnyWillEat 11
Is there an echo?
maddy14 0
Bitch!
shelbygordon44 7
Echo echo echo echo
crazychick1269 7
^ in a very slight way,from a distance u look like Lucas Till
StoryOfTheYear 15
2- I'm sure your daddy or mommy will explain it to you if you ask them
RedPillSucks 33
You guys do realize that people connect to this website from all over the world and might not be up on the latest US jargon.
StoryOfTheYear 15
SHIT! I'm ignorant. :(
imthatguythatdid 0
and it felt so good...... wait, no it didnt
shooterbuddy 8
Hello bunny
cufaoil 11
@201, Pubic hair has been referred to as pubes in Ireland and England since pussy was a cat...
Althenias 0
try shaving, problem solved
DelilahV 0
You have to be extremely masculine to get away with manscaping.
dubstepp 15
Good idea
Wheredidgrungego 12
Girls prefer if you manscape (at least in my experience). Honestly, I've been doing it for so long that it feels weird not to shave.
Enslaved 38
52 wheredid.... I can only thumb you up once. I agree 100% Even a quick trim with a bread trimmer does wonders!(:
Thanatos1206 0
Extremely masculine?? Everyone I know shaves downtown.
ykthechild 0
What is this the jungle? Lol every1 shud shave downtown.
xXshadowrollerXx 6
68 - I fear for all who eat bread in your house, not knowing you secretly use their trimming device for wily purposes.
Enslaved 38
168, WOW you have an amazing eye!!! I didn't even realize I spelt it wrong. Beard not bread. HahahahahHhhhahah
MerrikBarbarian 9
i was just wondering who the hell trims bread. XD beard makes far more sense!
mrcorncan99 0
Dubstep is so gay.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
Atleast she didn't give u a friction burn
kosh_bl_k 0
OP is just a liar. Ladies go through this all the time, and it's not just pulling one pubic hair out. I've never heard of a lady tearing up while waxing. So, yeah, if that makes you cry, you're not old enough to get a handjob.
herpitydurteedur 0
He doesn't even have to shave. He could just trim it a bit. Makes a huge difference. At least he wasn't gonna give him head and then kept getting tickled by his long as hell pubes going in her face. then she'd either A have to hold them outta her way with her hand, making it even easier for him to her pinched and tugged on, or B, she'd get annoyed and stop altogether.
FarSide 23
I never had a pube plucked during a handjob. But of course, my dick has always been longer than my pubes.
daaaniel 0
^ this
KatherineAnne 7
Eh if both people shave you will chafe during sex. I shave, my bf dosnt. Personally I think it would be weird if a guy shaves.
charlie2_fml 2
You seriously think there isn't one girl who tears up while getting waxed? Well you're wrong I do and so do a bunch of my friends! So no it's not just because I am a baby it's cause waxing stings and tearing up is a natural reaction!
shadowgamer_x 0
What a hairy situation. At least this wasn't in pubelic!
Squirrelx 5
How embhairising!
Jayrs93 11
Really pubelic? That's bad...
mrcorncan99 0
Lol win.
katiegurl19512 10
Nice play on words :) thumbs up
Wheredidgrungego 12
She should've been more genitle.
sourgirl101 29
67, I love that you said "shaved" instead of "saved". If it was intentional then that's funny as hell!(:
CleverBastard 8
But I mean CUM on, that was a good TESTE on how considerate he was, NUT it sounded like it hurt!
awesomeooo3 0
99 - that was a pile of wank.
Dr_Jalepenos 0
Everyone just cum the **** down!
Sweet_Testicles 7
I wish I could be as creative as you guys ! :D
Saltime 0
Okay, guys. These puns are becoming redickulous.
MyEpicDemise 7
At least she didn't rip out your foreskin...
darebear331 4
Who the **** gives a handjob hard enough to pull your foreskin off?
CleverBastard 8
From what I see people really love my puns!
CleverBastard 8
Just in case nobody gets the obvious sarcasm, I was kidding
rebekahah 7
Wow these are great! Someone should give you guys a hand!
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
She was jerktastic (:
mrcorncan99 0
#19 your a ****.
Sylvia_Korte 7
That's the corniest thing I've ever heard !!
MyEpicDemise 7
What?! Then I must be doing it wrong. :/ On a serious note, it's quite hard to tear out a pube too isn't it? Unless the girl doesn't bother getting the pube out of the way, or your pube is styled like some emoboy98's hair.
TipsfromSips 3
Man up dude
cameron194 9
soo OP isn't a man because he fought the pain and kept a straight face while doing so..? I've seen terrible arguments because of stupid shit like that.. good job OP, respect
tkalaric 3
U look like a fag in your pic......
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
47- and your face looks like its about to receive a cum shot
ThursdayA 3
Well, at least he's nice to her.
baseballlegitly0 2
take it slow make her blow
ColtsDoug18 0
she might bite him then...
hoodasswhitekid 0
Handjobs are like the WNBA, girls trying to do something men are 10 times better at.
KiddNYC1O 22
There are girls in WNBA??? Hahaha. They're men, bro.
KilteDKilleR 7
Wow. WNBA. That W isn't just there for looks, it stands for women's.
vDisaster 2
He meant that they look like guys... Retard
fadedflyer16 0
hahahahaha that's soo true
Cristal_Light14 0
Lol 69...
KiddNYC1O 22
Wow. I'm dumbfounded. Thank you #119 for getting it.
cjgqsmooth 0
haha nice!
kayla22098 3
Really? Someone's ridiculously sexist.
damnalltheasshol 0
grow more and nut up. she may take it all in sex!
Bblock 5
Wat?
urdirtyolduncle 15
In english, please.
DiscoSlut 0
Puberippin' fetisch, freakin score!
ifailplzinsultme 0
Atleast she didn't tear it
skatingalyy 0
ummm actually she did. read the fml again..
ifailplzinsultme 0
I was talking about the penis itself. I was trying to make a previous FML reference but I guess I failed:(
rooneyroo 0
I got a hand job from a girl that tore my foreskin.
skatingalyy 0
oh sorry about that I didn't read the fml you were referring to. :D guess we both failed ;)
Igotothegym 3
Thats disgusting!
DelilahV 0
Lol just wait until she gives you your first ******* and accidentally bites you
Jesus_Christ69 0
That happened to me .. :( not fun.
zojieeu 6
Jesus Christ man!!! When you were 12???
Jesus_Christ69 0
I'm jesus. All the bitches love me.