Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, it's the first birthday of the condom in my pocket. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I discovered the brand of condoms my parents use. It was in the same grocery bag as my food. FML
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
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Top comments
MiniatureMayhem 0
Condoms expire? OH SHI--
NobodysLover 0
Good luck with life #10 . . .
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Comments (80)
iheartjustinsane 0
Dumb.
Card_Games 0
I agree- I think there are plenty of guys who end up expiring that first box they buy (I did). The second and third box went much better.
geekplaya 0
i think its about time for a raping
B4SK3TB4IL 0
true that 56
CheshireHalli 19
And where's the FML?
klaudiiaaa 0
#2 the FML is that's shes still a virgin.
Sugar_lipsXo 0
that's not a FML, being a virgin is great. i'm proud to say i don't sleep around with a bunch of men and i'd equally love a male virgin.
littlegolferboy 4
@#5, There's no way you could know if it's a girl who wrote it. Also since you don't know their age, this could be some 14 year old kid who wanted to be cool by buying condoms.
Brooklynxman 0
You would love the male virgin, but would they love being one? A lot of people say these fml's are no big deal, but for the people posting them, especially when you are in HS or college and all of your friends have had sex and talk about it, or even a few, it can be hard. Long story short: Just because its not an fml for you doesn't mean its not an fml for them.
expen_dable 0
Its because the majority of commenters here are 15 year old high schoolers who are all about "teh straight edge!! weed n sex is teh evil!!!!" Of course that changes for most people in college. The girl who got a "promise ring" in high school is now in college getting her legs bent backwards by some frat guy. Damn high schoolers and their Myspaces and Disney sitcoms and Panic at the Disco.
valeria_07 0
#24 Not being a virgin doesn't mean you're a ****. It could mean you're truly in love with a devoted partner and want to express it through your body. I'm still a virgin, I'm only 15, but I see nothing wrong with my boyfriend and I making love somewhere along the line...
DameGreyWulf 1
Why is it suddenly an FML to not do something everyone else is doing? That's... pretty failful logic there. "Statistics show that 60% of teens kill themselves! I should too, I don't want to be uncool or anything!" It's no FML at all to not be driven by peer pressure. I went through high school (and now college) with nonvirgin friends and I was just fine. I wasn't ashamed. I didn't have anyone I wanted to give it up to, so why should I be? I have someone in mind now, but it's going to be a while before that, if it even is going to happen at all. Still not ashamed. Why is it sooooo hard? As for the OP: Oh well, such is life?
tb15 0
that can't be true, that would mean that less than half of teens live to be adults and suicide is only the second most common cause of death in teens so that would mean over 120% of teens die before they become adults
leero 0
1. they were making up the statistic to make a point. it's not a fact. 2. you are bad at math.
thesmartaleck 0
@48: It's a psychological thing. People fear being alone, so they jump in the bandwagon. Not doing so, they'd feel left out. It takes a whole lot of guts standing up for what you believe in. Fortunately, I do. @OP: Hope you don't die a virgin.
Xader 0
@55 #48's math is correct, regardless of data validity. If 60% kill themselves, and it is the second leasing cause of teen death, then >60% die from the #1 cause, which for the sake of argument I'll say is auto accidents. (60% suicide) + (>60% auto accidents) = (>120% fatality rate) = IMPOSSIBLE The only way this is possible is if the ~20% overlap are suicide by auto accident, in which case, 100% fatality rate = EXTINCTION. That said, a study (sorry, no cite) showed the top 3 teen fatality rates in the US to be 1. Auto accidents (~40%) 2. Homicide (~14%) 3. Suicide (~11%) Pointless post over.
zachjack 0
number 44 your way too ugly to be a virgin!
peoc 0
******? The easy way out ;) (or in)
lmtlmt 7
Yeah theres this girl who really wanted to do me tonight no joke, she was really drunk tho and a **** so i didnt do it lol. But if I really wanted it i could of got it so yeah the moral of the story is ***** are good when u need a root.
superstephen4 5
i agree with #7
leero 0
whatever. you probably bought them when you were 14 and shouldn't have been having sex anyway.
whatwasthatnoise 0
thats a random thing to assume...what makes you think that? ...bit harsh really
YankfanZZTop22 0
lmfao me too xD
plexico 4
As it became clear you weren't going to use them for their maximum fun purpose, you should have made water balloons out of them. When you are a total celibate loser, water balloons are the most fun you are going to have.
fringle 0
Haha plexico. Your posts always are funny.
heyy_theree 0
lmao, plexi. that is classic.
masquerade08 0
My friends bought a pack to make balloon animals. Didn't work too well. We ended up in a room full of oddly shaped balloons.
MiniatureMayhem 0
Condoms expire? OH SHI--
The_Pleb 0
#10 Look out for people similiar to you YDI For creating bastards
machete_fml 0
GJ spotting a joke
NobodysLover 0
Good luck with life #10 . . .
theatregrl2 0
erm, shouldn't you get rid of them if they're expired?