Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
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Top comments
jam26 0
are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too
amirn86 0
Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I **** IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a **** Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I **** right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I **** in my pants
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Comments (248)
mak349 0
oh man... ur scarred for the rest of ur life... did u guys at least wear protection... its insurance that u can dump this short ride
Macromartyr 3
If he came that fast, probably didn't wear anything
tutuluzer5968 0
Um haven't you guys ever done anything else sexual? You think oh would notice this before hand
Ty2win 3
More like during hand ;)
trucanadian 0
are you sure he's not a virgin? He probably is if he only lasts 30 seconds. Dump him
jam26 0
are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too
Damone 0
i was thinking that too, maybe not a virgin but maybe a noob
naughty_angel94 0
Maybe not a virgin but hadn't had it in awhile and she was too tight for him
bkina 0
I agree
benzel22 2
Either that or since you're a virgin you are probably toight like a toiger...Maybe he's just used to loose bar skanks
mastercrammer 0
I know some first times are really awkward, but yours is just sad! You didn't even get to enjoy it! :(
hoeskie69 0
Holy hell, are you sure he isnt like a ******* transvestite, and that dick doesn't give him any pleasure... Because if he wasn't a virgin, then your man, well is a little pussy.. and shouldve lasted way longer than 30seconds.
Ender_ 0
Eh there are guys that aren't virgins that only last that long. Sucks for them. Anyways, put out more and he'll start getting better at it. haha. Just be smart and wear protection.
JohnnyViola 0
:( That sucks.
amirn86 0
Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I **** IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a **** Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I **** right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I **** in my pants
TWSSMoment 0
WTF?!anyone else this or am I getting crayzer? ^^^^
nintenDX 0
that song is messed up lol
tpiper2852 0
this song is just great lol :) really funny.
Humanspider 18
Thank You for expressing what this guy felt after 30 seconds.
brekab8 14
LOL i used to love that song! Still do!
BlackCube2 2
da hell.....
xxBFMVAAMIWxx 18
To be honest I'm surprised She even wanted me to do it Doesn't really make sense But man screw it I ain't one to argue with a good thing She could be my wife That good? The best 30 seconds of my life Lonely island really though of this guy huh?
withered 30
#9 you can be turned on A LOT and still please your partner in bed. It's called having stamina. Guys that finish that fast are just selfish.
JackTheRipper_fml 0
he's a major pro