Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML
Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML
Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML
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Top comments
HAMY_fml 23
That's some great parenting. sorry about the bed op
james98e 15
If I were you, I'd be up in flames!
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Comments (128)
kiaora_fml 11
Maybe she will set your parents bedsheets on fire and you can say sarcastically maybe you didn't buy her a good enough dollhouse and you provoked her -_-
Llama_Face89 34
Did your parents by chance take "Raising a Mass Murderer 101." First thing they drill into your head is "reward any and all criminally insane behaviors. The more psychotic they are the better."
menfearme 10
I'd like to know how old she is, considering she got a doll house. that said, I don't know that a good parent wouldn't be getting her help instead of covering it up by saying that the victim somehow instigated the incident... that's some stellar parenting there! p. s. depending on how young she is, this kind of behavior could be covering something up that's really serious.
menfearme 10
If she's already a pyromaniac, why would you leave stuff around that you can use to start a fire?? Get rid of the lighters & matches, people!!
roverman89 3
You better watch out or the next time she might hurt you
blackonblight 33
If she actually has a diagnosed condition like that, why are there lighters in the house not kept under lock and key? If you must posses objects that may trigger an episode in a mentally unstable dependent, you should damn well be able to keep them out of the dependent's reach.
SauceySarah 30
He's negatively reinforcing her behavior by rewarding her with a dollhouse.
limabeans101029 21
Negative reinforcement is when you take something unpleasant away; positive reinforcement is when you give something pleasant, so this is actually positive reinforcement. I agree with your point though
SauceySarah 30
haha oops I mixed up my reinforcements! Thanks for the clarification.
BoundBySpace 19
let's hope they have home insurance.
notulisse 4
Destroy her dolls house and blame it on a mental condition you have (if you don't have one then make it up)
AussieGirl2014 18
Light the doll house up.