Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML
Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML
Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML
Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, I'm in hospital after a bad accident. An old friend of mine came to my ward, looked around, and asked if I needed any help. I asked him to stay and talk a bit, because we haven't seen each other since his wedding. He said, "Nah bro, I gotta go, or my wife will kill me. We're planning a sex night, by the way", and left. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML
Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was OK, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML
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Top comments
Gesula 24
mildly concerned by the username
Nevracceptdefeat 26
Dont you hate it when that happens
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Comments (189)
Nevracceptdefeat 26
Dont you hate it when that happens
Rainbow2Cloud 12
I guess he slipped and fell single too.
RayneSmytson 24
Apparently dead, according to OPs username!
IndicaPaincakes 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Woah! How small is he?
evilamoebaattack 20
small accidents have large consequences.
aubamas 20
i guess he ran into your knife 10 times (chicago)
cantik20 5
clumsy dick
Ikashy73 14
I don't really get why people downvoted that joke, #74, I thought it was pretty clever.
venomousflower 24
What a total dick!!! You're better off without him
buckstop1 37
And her. (OP's "best friend")
Riften_Guard 14
It seems like he's got his story straight
Gesula 24
mildly concerned by the username
laden_swallow09 35
Only concern is if she gets caught.
ironmany_fml 23
yeah it can be another "accident" ;)
CateriusV 11
He ran into my knife ten times.
XxNekoLovexX 26
He only has himself to blame
DomiLove 26
And the "best friend"
kellyem2 20
I guess you could say they broke up because of "artistic" differences.
zyzy92 8
I'm not, I'll be looking at the obits for the one that says "Slipped and fell into a knife... several times"
JayGatsby 25
#34, I think you mean that he accidentally fell into the knife
superguydude200 5
he accidentally shot himself in the back somehow
the_zero_article 15
some guys just can't hold their arsenic
jay_ladybug 19
So I took the shotgun off the wall And I fired two warning shots......into his head!
AllThatHit 7
He had it coming
KristaAaron 12
#115 I'm mildly concerned for you..
KK3137 31
"Caaaarla. That kills people, Caaaaarla."
Stooby61 18
Deleted
skyeyez9 25
Shoot. Shovel. Shut up. She needs to remember those.
Vivi99 12
That made me laugh.
teentee401 37
Why? He deserves it
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
The reference you just did made my night.
Acacia21 23
"He accidentally shot his own dick off."
FiFiLovee 26
"Mildly" concerned. XD
Magnettik 16
What a dick we've got here --'
psychopolarbear 28
A very clumsy one, apparently
simleader 13
Hope you dump him. Accidents like that are not accidental.
ZoroMiHawk 25
you don't say
ptoka 20
I slipped and stumbled down the stairs as she was bent over and we were both naked... No shit these kind of accidents aren't accidental.
RayneSmytson 24
You divorce a husband, not dump him. Unless it's his corpse.
AllSoul 23
And according to OP's username, he shall soon be nothing but a corpse.
Sxylilhalfpint 20
I love the user name.... Cus you know "accidents" do happen.
teazyfisher 15
so do jail.
Enkeria 30
#23: "so does* jail." Sorry, but improper grammar drives me insane. I hope OP divorced him and that OP dumps her best friend.
WaltzingPhanthom 23
Accidents. Many kinds of accidents. I'm called an accident.
poppunkette 22
Sorry to hear it op. I hope you can either sort it out with both which seems very unlikely and no one would blame you if you don't. Or work things out but keep him on a short leash and make it clear to her that you friendship or the remains of it wont be the same or even repairable
AllSoul 23
I hope OP throws him out on his ass and she never has to see his cheating face ever again. I don't hope they work it out even if she keeps him on a short leash, that's just not healthy for anyone.
Sethan01 24
They are married so I guess you have a point..cause marriage is you stick together for better or for worse.
sunnyray812 42
Divorce sounds like a way better option....
VeganVampyre 27
Sure, 54, except that when they say "for better or for worse" I don't actually think they mean "if the ******** cheats on you, forgive him because he's your husband." That whole "sticking together" thing works a lot better when one of them hasn't just completely and irreparably destroyed the trust and love in the relationship....
masomak 2
Not when he cheats, that's when death part them
alexcknott 8
Oh wow my condolences to him he I'm sorry to hear about his accident :(
Gunguy 11
Perhaps you should have put up a wet floor sign or something. Sounds like a dangerous environment to me.