Today, my daughter tried to cover up her relapse into pyromania by explaining to me that the reason our carpet caught on fire was because a hot coal somehow worked its way free from the fireplace. Our fireplace is electric. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML
Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML
Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML
Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML
Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Damn those virtual coals, ******* up carpets everywhere.
Rei_Ayanami 18
I hope you have home insurance, and a lot of fire alarms. Add some extinguishers to be safe.
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Comments (47)
Rei_Ayanami 18
I hope you have home insurance, and a lot of fire alarms. Add some extinguishers to be safe.
Rei_Ayanami 18
Well they apparently know enough to put it out, hence the scorched carpet and not burnt down house.
Pleonasm 36
Damn those virtual coals, ******* up carpets everywhere.
ICastillo 25
OP better get his fireplace fixed ASAP or it could burn his house down.
S182 15
I am glad he wasn't a hot head about it... I would've been fired up. Hopefully she cools it down in the future.
Sir_ND_Pity 35
OP better not leave his television on to the fireplace channel during Christmas time. It'll give his daughter "the perfect excuse" to light some more things on fire! "The TV was on fire and it spread!"
VannahJane 17
Not the hottest coal in the fire place eh?
GothickNihilist 15
"Fire Fire" Beavis
LMFAOwned 9
Talk to her about her problem before she burns more than your floor.
NickaPLZ 26
Love the username.
Cbizzlez 10
It must be one of them fancy super realistic electronic fireplaces with coal spitting action
Migole 36
Wow. I'm really wondering how old she is. You should definitely continue the therapy. And sleep with an open eye o.o
Enslaved 38
All in a sudden, I have the urge to listen to Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages". :P
Codezlol 21
Not sure why someone thumbed you down. That song is very fitting :D
EpicSquishii 21
Seems legit :)
carry_on 19
She doesn't sound like the sharpest tool in the draw, or should it be the hottest coal on the fire?