Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I was in bed feeling sad and depressed because I hate my career and several major life choices I made for the wrong reasons. My husband, who had been trying to cheer me up all day, put the icing on the cake by saying, “Is this a bad time to mention the blowjob you promised me yesterday?” FML
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Top comments
coolcocoxxx 12
That's when you let him sleep on the couch. Yeah, FYL. Guys like that need to realize that girls are looking for more in a relationship than sex.
jjohnson26559 1
What dick. He could've at least asked to 69.
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Comments (162)
charlieisawesome 4
Hey he can't help it if he's turned on by you.. You should take it more lightly and discuss marriage fixings at a better time :)
JeanJO19 4
My girlfriend told me that when we get married we will have sex every day...I have no problem with that.
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
someone's horny..
freakguy455 0
JeanJ091 don't fall for it, the all say thay until they get that ring, then it'll be one headache after another.
RKD 23
HA HA HA, sorry to hear, OP, but is pretty freaking hilarious-hope you and him can work it out!
whY402Jay 12
What a guy.
rammy125 4
You better give that man a ******** then!
dubstepisdabomb 0
K
biebersdoll 3
I voted ! 'I agree your life sucks' being that's what you did.. Was suck.
Malevolent_Bunny 0
Grab a lengthy strapon and make hime give you that *******. He'll pay more attention then!