Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML
Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
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Top comments
iseyixes 18
Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.
perdix 31
You should have farted after he honked your boob and said, "Oops, faulty valve."
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Comments (106)
ogoodrich 14
BAHAHA!!
BeforeItWasCool 12
I'd suggest relationship counselling. It seems quite an insensitive response to an issue like that. Maybe that's just me over reacting, but I feel respect is important in any relationship. This guy seems like a douche, FYL OP.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Neeh - it's normal with us doing jokes in serious situations. Be happy he didn't make a scene or start crying perhaps :)))
acidkitten 14
9- I thought you were talking to #1 at first and I was like "You sure are over reacting!" and then I read the last sentence :L
lawls79 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OMG! The husband wants sex With his wife when he's horny! What the hell is that man thinking...oh and he has a sense of humor too! What is the world coming too!?!?
ClassicDisney23 10
41- It's called "respect." If there isn't any of it left then we really should be asking what our world has come to.
DocBastard 40
Lawls79 - No. You don't just do that. It isn't a joke, and it shows a complete lack of respect. I joke around with my wife all the time, but I'm NEVER disrespectful. If she voices a concern, we talk about it. I don't cop a cheap feel like an asshole.
mikeofthunder 13
55, I agree but everyone does it so I suggest you just let them do as they wish. It's not as if FML's modern day commenter pays any attention to the consensus anyway. Besides the awesome minority!
BeforeItWasCool 12
20- It's the solution to every minor problem! :L
priceyfml 7
Don't worry he'll get what you mean soon.
awsetdvcshjkgss 1
You have to cut him off
iseyixes 18
Return the favor grab his junk and make squeaking noises.
gottalovecondoms 0
Sounds like you've done this before...
zinoxity 23
Why are people on this site full of revengeful ideas?
outoftown 27
You meant "grab his junk until HE makes squeaking noises," didn't you?
SanaSazi 32
He'd probably enjoy it
XxQueenofPuppets 10
Your picture is perfect for your comment. =]
Krirn 21
Now you're a rubber wifie.
hellachillin 8
It seems like it blew up doll in OPs face. I bet she's inflated this whole situation by saying such things to her husband
gc327072 31
I agree, this is all so overblown.
jizzwold 21
What a manatee. I'm not good at puns.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Maybe try to explain your expectations bit closer.. We can't figure out what's in women's head sometimes..
Stealth_Void 4
Well it seems pretty obvious to me what she meant...
happylawyer 16
Sometimes? What an understatement!
awkward_gothlady 32
So that's a perfect excuse to goof around? If he isn't sure what she means, he can ASK!!
dhall30 8
Good on you for being patient with him and trying to talk to him. Communication is probably the the most important thing in a relationship and he needs to respect what you have to say.
mpj13 8
Sounds like your husband is full of air
MrBond007_fml 6
Well, what are you complaining about, honking your boob sounds like foreplay to me. You really think he wastes that much time getting his blow up doll into the mood?
chocolatefrog28 29
Sounds like you need to move around a little more during your naked fun time sessions then, if you feel like a doll. Get more proactive and do some riding rather than laying back and being stuffed.
skippymagee 5
Honk your boob. Classic. At least he pays attention to you.