Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
challan 19
Op, it's all about external stimulation for women. You need to learn how to ********** properly, so you don't get to the point of insane frustration. Besides the fact that until you know how to satisfy yourself, how will you ever teach your future partner to satisfy you?! I recommend studying up on your own body and learning what makes you happy. Also if you want to play with household items, I recommend your electric toothbrush or the shower head.
smiley1014 23
Wow toothbrush? Coming from a guys perspective that sounds like it would be too much stimulation. But I agree she needs to find out what's good for her for future men's benefits.
challan 19
Not the bristles themselves, but the backside of them... Works like a charm.
jnanderson 16
I don't think *most* people have FWBs
mbuck87 19
Yeah cool , OP can just head down to the shops and grab a FWB.... Do you even real life?
slick5880 22
Female With Bannana = bad idea.
kirasant 19
Yes, exactly. Seriously OP sticking something into you isn't going to do anything for you on it's own. Youtube some masturbation techniques (and your ********'s location) . Your own hand can do the job very well. Guys aren't the only ones that can "rub one out".
gottageek 17
It's not all about external for females. While it's amazing, sometimes you're just not satisfied unless there's fulfilling penetration.
feelingold 18
Is that what your gf told you ,100? She lied. And yes, I'm afraid she finds her vibrator more satisfying than you.
gottageek 17
Hate to burst you're bubble 120. I am a female. I'm fairly certain nthat gives me at least a little insight. I love external stimulation as much as the next girl, but I can get off internally too and sometimes that's just what the body wants. But you're opinion is understandable. I've had exes who weren't talented in penetration, sometimes a girl settles for any sort of satisfaction.
challan 19
I think she's the one that needs to cum...
Ziggy122 15
How do you know the banana didn't like it? Did it tell you, "I've had better" ?
SweetasCandy0609 28
lol I heard that last part in a Jim Carrey voice from liar liar.
katyehh 8
glad I wasn't the only one, 44.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
expert advice right here
thrifting 18
General rule of thumb: Do not put fruit in your ******.
eddeeezzyy 19
Yeah, OP. Don't be like that one chick from 1,000 Ways To Die who used a carrot as a toy.
HeavenlyAura 15
Omg and she died! I remember tbis episode. There's also one that died by smacking a cucumber into the back of her throat practicing for a date @_@
KushCrushin89 10
No shit she died. Did you not read the title of the show??
cincy_cheryl 0
I'd hit up Craigslist before I got that desperate.
Ki11erC 18
It's not possible to be that desperate.
kitsune309 15
I'd have sex with a banana before I'd get that desperate.
love_me_electric 20
Yeah, I'd rather shove produce up my hoohah than catch a disease from a stranger.
schadenfreud 6
cant say sex with a banana sounds very.. 'a peeling'
RiessBaby 6
Girl you need to fully learn about your body and take care of business with your own 2 hands ;)
dRpRdP 8
banana.. i hope u have washed it before inserting and thrown after taking out.. :D try something hard next time or better use fingers on ur clit..
mFUNdo21 17
a woman's genitals are a combination of a map to Narnia, a rubix cube and a mixed sudoku sheet. rubbing your clit (if she can even find it) a few times may not work. there's a lot that goes into getting yourself off as a woman
misspaperwait 4
$30 at your local wal mart will buy you a really nice Trojan brand vibrator, best money I ever spent lol
crazytwinsmom 25
Is that in the toy department?
Bradley_Dillon 39
Woah. You enjoy anal penetration?