Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML
Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML
Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML
Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML
Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML
Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
daybar12 8
Bananas be crazy
FaustXIII 0
"I'm going to poison myself to with this daily dose of natural Potassium! I'll do it, don't try to sto-hahaha, I'm so insane. Dementia is a hoot. You should really put me in a retirement home."
BuffaloSabres134 8
I hate it when that happens.
thesubconscious 9
Oh does that happen to you often?
wlddog 14
I lost my grandmother to a loaded Banana. We told her to put the safety on. I blame myself for leaving it out of the banana safe.
Mariebaz 11
Yeah, I do as well. It really puts a damper on my day. However, my grandmother much prefers the apple grenades.
LolOrDeath 4
My grandma almost did it, but she forgot to **** it
joedirtxtc 5
You know it could really happen. What if she was highly allergic to bananas. Or if she crammed it down her throat and choked to death. Or if she jammed it in her ear and destroyed her brain. Or fed it to a psychopathic monkey that kills anyone that feeds it a banana. You never know. Bananas can be very dangerous.
I_lost_the_game 25
79- The first three were just scary to imagine.
astoryofroses 9
Attack of the Banana!
BunchieRules 31
58 - I personally prefer the lemon grenades, but my grandmother considers them to be too sour.
golferman72 16
Nice family you got there.
lucyinthesky420 10
79- Obviously those who thumbed you down underestimate how dangerous a banana can be..
JavIin 0
I don't understand why no one has commented about the Monty Puthon skit yet.. This is like.. The opportune moment quote it. :(
Enslaved 38
"Calm down, Nana and give me that banana!"
daybar12 8
why did this get buried? i thought it was a funny comment..my sense of humour must not be good
nado13579 12
I swear, this is the awesomest FML I've read for a long time.
the_anti_hipster 7
Yeah, it doesn't sound very ap-peal-ing to me at all...
curlyfry33 8
The first part in 79s profile info is wrong, the second part is right though.
AKGirlinSD 20
Bananas can be very scary! Maybe grandma's plan was to eat it, throw the peel on the floor, intentionally step on it to slip and fall, and end up dead from hitting her head on the ground. Seems like a lot of work. Keep the bananas away from grandma! lol
GaleHawthorne 0
I use combustible lemons.
joedirtxtc 5
158 - damn I knew I was missing a probable scenario.
arniebrah 8
Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one
flashback.miss 28
well said. Serously, why, just why?? Either way, pity and sympathy all around.
ScaughtieHolden 11
That's like three comments in one, 17!
PrimeEvilTahir 24
...Three failed comments in one, if I may add.
untamed112 0
105 lol
Feared 9
127 lol
mduffy08 8
138 ...................../´¯¯/) ...................,/¯.../ .................../..../ .............../´¯/'..'/´¯¯`·¸ .........../'/.../..../....../¨¯ ..........('(....´...´... ¯~/'..') .........................'...../ .........................._.·´ ...........................( ............................
killdozer1 2
There are many ways to kill yourself with fruit. Like... Like if you... If you... F*ck you!
MindFreakazoid 10
Very funny 105, very funny .-.
918jacob 8
Bananas, very dangerous
VeganVampyre 27
Don't joke about things like that! The time I killed myself with a banana was very painful and scary. If only someone had taken the situation more seriously...
lilpowers 3
Bananas are deadly weapons.
WiderWille 11
Maybe she was going for food poisoning? Or beat herself with it until she bled to death? So many ways to kill youself with a banana, those thibgs should be illegal!
CyborgBanana 12
Don't underestimate them...
Saryrr 3
I'm now thinking of Monty Python - self defense against fruits.
chemchic 7
Knife or banana! Knife or banana!
BunchieRules 31
40 - You could stick a fork into the toaster in your picture and get electrocuted, but toasters are still legal. Many dangerous things are still legal, but a banana is not a likely choice of weapon anyway.
MedKits 9
103- He was making a joke.
perdix 31
#74, what about a point-ed stick?
WiderWille 11
Thanks #111, some people need to get beaten with a sign that reads "irony" before they get it...
perdix 31
#128, I once bought a sign that said "Irony." It was made of aluminum.
ManInTheMachine 20
128-And some people need to be brutally flogged with a cane that is engraved with 'Lame Excuses' until their pathetic, apologetic screams die out.
nado13579 12
16- You killed yourself with a banana yet you're here, commenting on FML? :P
btstig 11
Mom sounds high strung. Should have turned the banana on her.
onlychildFTW 34
Sounds like a good idea. "you didn't take her seriously! Grounded" "mom it was a banana" "grounded, it was your grandmother!"
22cute 17
Maybe if she tried to choke on it? Or if she was planning to put it on the stairs and slip on it?
A7X_LoVeee 10
Your grandma sounds awesome. I love old people.
bitter3ulogy 0
#6 Alesana all the way m/
gTOtheT 7
One time my grandma found condoms and blew them up and hung them everywhere.... Yeah old people are pretty awesome!!!!
uJelly24 1
You love old people? Gross.
DwarfFrog 5
My grandma is actually a complete nutcase.
mango260 9
Old people are awesome! And adorable! :) but some can be off their rockers.
FMLandurstoo 9
Bitches be crazy!
olpally 33
I imagined Herbert saying that... Creepy and hilarious, lmao :D
curlyfry33 8
I bet the grandma is number 7s wife, make that ex wife... You know because of the little boys...
wruch 6
What was she gonna do? Deep throat it and choke herself?
VeganVampyre 27
Of course. How else do you kill yourself with a banana? That's the only normal, sane way to do it.
wruch 6
Shes a suicidal old lady. Weapon of choice: a banana I dont think that clarifies as sane.
alshygirl 14
Throw the peel on the floor and slip?
xAmybbx 22
One can freeze and sharpen it.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Is it possible for people to be allergic to bananas? Maybe that's why?
notsorandomguy 18
She was probably going to **** it and blow it straight into her open mouth.
fedora11 12
69- it is possible. I actually am and it really sucks.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Okay, why did I get so many thumb downs then? It was just a suggestion, people.
MedKits 9
Because she isn't allergic. That's why OP didn't move to take the banana from her.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I didn't mean suggestion for what happened in the FML. I just was asking if some people were actually allergic. I wasn't saying that maybe her grandma was allergic. I'm sorry if I made it sound that way.
22cute 17
Yeah, banana allergy, I didn't think of that. Your throat could swell shut & you'd asphyxiate.
EmoBitchRock 0
Yes, but also, what normal, sane, old woman will attempt suicide with a banana?
CessOMG 3
You have a cool grandma and quite weird too. But you didn't deserve to be punished at all.
ICastillo 25
Grandmas say the darndest things.
olpally 33
Or in this case, they say the craziest things...