Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
Ryodin 11
Try again dear. You obviously need the stress relief.
shivafloof 5
Clitoral stimulation trumps shoving a banana in your vag any day. You don't need anything penis-shaped to get yourself off.
Gho5tk3y 17
Mustache rides: free if your pretty, cheap if your not, expensive if your fat(for insurance purposes).
MixMastaKDizzle 12
I find this extremely disturbing...
middlenamefrank 8
You know, there are actual purpose-designed appliances to help with that sort of thing. You can order them online discreetly so nobody has to be embarrassed, not even any vegetative matter. It's my understanding that some of those appliances are very effective. I'm an Engineer (of a different sort) so I'm well aware how ingenious we can be at times.
83babynique 7
This shit is bananas...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!
tman1985 9
are you implying that op didnt stop at just her vag?
japtap81 16
Next up: stuffed animals.
inaphansoa 9
This made me a bit sad for you. FYL for resulting to the use of a banana, but YDI the poor results. A banana? tisk tisk
doodlebug33 20
Nannerpuss
gottageek 17
I'd suggest purchasing products designed to assist in sexual frustration. You'll enjoy it but I can't offer any insight as to how the products will feel about it.