Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
beautifulsoul89 11
Wow girl, before you tried the banana you should always play with yourself with your fingers. Exploring your body is amazing and than not only (like someone previously said) can you tell your future partner how you like it but you won't have to have the "last resort" as a banana that couldn't satisfy you. Get a mirror and spread your legs and watch yourself play with your kitty! You'd be amazed..
gotmilkido 10
F*ing discussing ! Go buy a ***** or a vibrator !! You eat fruit not f*ck it ! Hope u get fruit flies in ur twat !
kenoswild 14
Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed and is going bananas...
ThedaRose 15
Disgusting*
mbuck87 19
Was it your banana #103? You sound a little bit too upset
Omniprism 15
You need a toy. Go shopping online. They deliver discreetly.
Awkward_Batman 6
seriously? u sound like a girl i went to school with who did it with a thing of meat....
XxxT3rr4xxX 25
Well that escalated quickly. . . your man will come . . . Your man will come.
askingandy 23
Assuming you're not old enough to go and buy an actual toy? Why fruit? You couldn't find anything roundish, like a marker or a handle of something?
hazardmuffin 21
Really, a banana? Do yourself a favor and buy a decent sex toy, or learn to use your fingers. At the very least try to find something safer to use (and don't forget to put a condom on it!).
KawaiiCupcake 14
I know your pain OP. Getting horny but there is no one one fulfill your sexual need!!
happyfingers 15
I have absolutely no pity for you at all. That's gross. Did it ever occur to you to buy a vibrator? Poor banana.
Danknikki5150 1
just buy the rabbit it is sk worth the money :)