Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a couple of friends and one of them tells a funny story about how he filled a condom with syrup and put it in his friend's mouth while he was asleep. Me with my big mouth starts to say, "Condoms taste na--" and stopped myself as everyone started laughing at me. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
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Top comments
Firewall_fml 0
Personally I read this and think "... So?" Shit at least your cool enough to practice first, rather than jump right into it and end up turning some poor fellas dongle into a teeth grated tragedy
kingdomhearts3 0
I'm pretty sure most girls haven't, and I'm pretty sure you're slowly climbing to the top of FML's "Sluttiest ****'s" list..keep going! Reach for the stars!!
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Comments (54)
Fleur_fml 0
Bahaha, it's not like most of us girls haven't done it before. ;)
ilikepie789 0
r u a guy or a girl
Shadow14l 0
I have yet to see one man with a banana shaped dick...
ZTB13 4
Just remember, practice makes perfect...
kingdomhearts3 0
I feel the need to inform you that there are lots of banana's that curve a little at the stem (or whatever it's called where you start to peel a banana), and are straight as a dick the rest of the way up....now you know...now you know...
kingdomhearts3 0
I'm pretty sure most girls haven't, and I'm pretty sure you're slowly climbing to the top of FML's "Sluttiest ****'s" list..keep going! Reach for the stars!!
that_band_nerd 22
Well the stars aren't the only giant balls she'll have to reach for.....
Sansa_fml 38
Well I haven't. And I'm a girl. And I think most girls haven't. But maybe it's just me missing out on the fun of doing that.
itsfuntobesexy 0
Did you succeed? Hehe.
mrcarmine 0
yeah, #2, #3 is right but there's so nothing wrong with this, unless your roommate is a mormon missionary or some other kind of ultra-conservative... or you're a guy and your roommate is a homophobe.
KenMcGormick 0
#8 ewwwwww
RFK_fml 0
#8 - Too funny!!
Firewall_fml 0
Personally I read this and think "... So?" Shit at least your cool enough to practice first, rather than jump right into it and end up turning some poor fellas dongle into a teeth grated tragedy
corocoro 30
Bananas don't go there!
holynemesis1208 3
head was created without a condom in mind keep it that.
tttrtle 0
Ur like 8 years old
lhazz11 23
Trying are you to Yoda like speak?
vaykay_fml 0
i hope you realize condoms aren't tooth-proof. maybe you can also practice patching it up by ripping duct-tape with your teeth or practice taking the morning-after pill through your nose
chloe2114 4
so true, my friend rolled the condom on with her mouth and got pregnant cos she accidentally split it with her teeth. She named it after me, heehee, :) xoxo
Bauer_fml 0
#12 is right. If your can't handle man mayo getting in your mouth then become a lesbian. Then, in FML fashion, post pictures. If your a guy then go straight, then post pictures of your girl naked
_BruhhGetALife_ 19
Uh.. So because a girl doesn't want to swallow, or taste, a man's semen she should go lesbian? Where's the logic in that..?
mleeb 0
that must have been one hell of a comedic scene. write a screenplay.