Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
loroxe 6
I hope you used a condom
fml121785 14
Cucumbers are much better in bed! ;)
omgitsmoe 26
Wtf x'D
King_paradox 22
Wow.
herotime 7
Plot twist, it's actually a guy
Gearden 8
once you go bannana...
Grmpman 7
I can just imagine the peel tearing and the actual eating part OH LAWDY!
NinjaMouse 8
That's one way to make a banana split.
Aero_x 21
17- A woman has actually diddled herself with a cucumber and died because the sharp edges cut into her vaginal walls as she climaxed causing oxygen to rush in there.
SaintJupiter 16
Ah, I'm sorry OP. I know how that is. Stay strong, be patient, and your man will come.
jnanderson 16
Was the banana at least a good partner?
AnOriginalName 19
It wasn't, #34. Didn't even want the post-coitus cuddles!
jnanderson 16
But she could munch him immediately after they both finished
Parkour_rocks 20
#38 that's just gross. Also, what did you mean by they both finished?
UnluckyGenius 21
Didn't you hear #34? The banana split!
mattjamt 16
64 - You deserve more thumbs ups.
Peachy2392 26
Are both finishing a strange idea to you, #47? That's unfortunate for your partner.
Parkour_rocks 20
#86 No, what's strange to me is a banana finishing. As it is already the seed of the banana flower.
jdreiner 11
Nerd
AngelSpit 18
Imbecile
Ramanella 26
What if op is into women, than that would be an entirely different story
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
ironichalibut 24
Did you hear the one about the vegan who use a carrot? I heard that it was tüber painful
tpm45 25
Buying toys can be awkward for some people... Besides, OP could be underage
ilytyvm 25
I agree, actually. although, maybe op isn't old enough to buy sex toys, since you have to be 18.
happle 21
Then why can't she buy them online?
mattrd_fml 31
if she's not 18, then she probably doesnt have a credit card to buy them online. and she also probably wouldnt want a package mailed to her house.
Sputnikspak 13
If OP isn't 18, there's still 'massagers' on sale at grocery stores or Walmart, and failing that, an electric toothbrush will do in a pinch.
itwasalongnight 10
Um that's what online stores are for!
kyu_Q 19
# 85 hell yeah. see people BBT is not only funny is helpful and informative
mFUNdo21 17
she could always use her fingers...
Sansa_fml 38
And don't forget the toy cleaner ;) safer than using bananas.
WhiteCrimson 23
I dunno what to say. Poor banana it poor you. Well keep looking. The right fruit is out there.
lazygirlWOW 9
Next time use a more rounded fruit/vegetable...maybe a cucumber? Haha
WhiteCrimson 23
First hand experience? Lol
jnanderson 16
First cucumber experience. She didn't use her hand.
mn_shr 22
I'd say no for cucumber. A girl in our dorm tried that and she must have been going at it really hard it broke inside her and had to go to the emergency room to get it taken out. I haven't been able to look at cucumbers the same since....
Ch_rae5 19
or instead of FOOD use an actuall toy.....its called an investment
BrysGirl27 14
Ew...some girl in our high school shoved a corn dog up herself....
AngelSpit 18
there's also tales of women using various fruits/vegetables and cutting themselves internally on the implement and even a few resulting in death from air being forced into a blood vessel from pressure ...... in the (not so) words of Rocko Wallaby "Masturbation day is a very dangerous day."
Squirrel1256 15
Just don't put that banana back in the kitchen when you're done with it.
junkman6 22
My exact thought. Later in the day OP has a banana "hmm why's this taste so funny" and then comes the follow up FML.
mbuck87 19
I don't think she would have peeled it first ...
graceinsheepwear 34
You need to learn your way around the produce aisle. A banana?
Dodge4x4Ram 46
why ? did the banana spilt :-)
graceinsheepwear 34
Damn, great comment but for the typo.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
**Split,,, my bad,, that's what happen when you type fast & watch a good movie at the same time
zandalee 20
What movie? I just watched The Call... Damn near scared myself to death! :8
Dodge4x4Ram 46
season finale of BREAKING BAD,,I know it's a show,, best ever
LemonandLime 13
Banana cream pie?
RojerRamjet 3
A cucumber is the way to go OP *Not that I would no anything about it*
WeAreAHurricane 14
*Sweats profusely* MUST. RESIST. URGE.
Chronophage 7
Their, their; it's going to be OK. :p
bfsd42 20
* their they're.
cantik20 5
mine turn in to pickle ;-)