Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML
Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cybersex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Solano2580 24
YDI. You went in there expecting to have the best sex of your life but since it turned out badly you have the tone like he's not worth it and that you wasted your time. I bet you aren't as good as you think either OP.
kdgsmiley 23
That's definitely a tough one, OP. If you're pretty interested in this guy and it's something worth pursuing, perhaps more communication about what pleases you would help improve things.
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Comments (59)
JerryClark 17
At least you know now
kangx1 28
Instead of making him feel bad about himself, why don't you practice and make him better? We aren't born knowing how to please our significant other. Give him constructive criticism and help him become a better partner. I'm sure that'd be much more appreciated then posting how bad he was on FML.
badkid91 11
Too bad girls don't think like that lol
milehigh52 22
Can we get a follow up on what made it so horrible? Because there are ways to make sex better.
kdgsmiley 23
That's definitely a tough one, OP. If you're pretty interested in this guy and it's something worth pursuing, perhaps more communication about what pleases you would help improve things.
imyy 20
Sometimes fantasy is better than reality! Sorry to hear that OP!
oiler 21
Hey atleast he doesnt like putting serial killers mask on while you say there name
Rainbow_Rhinos 23
I did YDI because you wrote "bean-flicking".
nanxi 30
Aw, I personally thought it was a hilarious way to put it.
kdgsmiley 23
#4, come up with a better slang term for female masturbation and then I might agree with you. I thought it was great.
Reider022 16
" Tiddle the skittle "
Farmillionaire 8
Taco DJing
MariaGiovanni 25
Same. Sounds painful.
Seashells77 25
Polishing the pearl
ThrottleJockey 36
Rubbin' the nubbin'.
countryb_cth 38
I thought numbin was what Chandlers third nipple was called
1jordan1 11
close, it was nubbin.
justsayingbeach 15
So often is this sadly the case!
JaffaMC 13
Should have bean better for you, OP :/ There will be others.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
when your wish backfires
WOTAN1488 24
Try romance first - it works.
hkhan24 23
Give the guy another chance, maybe next time will be better
Mathalamus 25
Not everyone is as experienced as you. Try thinking that.
91hayek 31
Can't blame him. He isn't a football playing king in space with perfect abs and a winning smile who goes all night and still has time to rescue kittens.... or whatever your unrealistic expectation was. Cut the boy some slack and don't build people into things they aren't.
rldostie 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Is that what you think women fantasize about? If the sex was that bad, it wasn't due to high expectations. It's most likely due to either a lack of communication during sex and/or his inability to perform well--not just an inability to perform to expectations. Either that or this woman has always had stellar sex and he's average. Which I guess still sucks if you're used to stellar sex all the time.
91hayek 31
Perform well? Like a jackhammer or some other industrial equipment? Expectations precede and determine that performance. If you make them too specific and too high, there won't be a real fit; the boy may be the best fish in the sea but if she's looking for a bird or some other creature he can't do any more than be him. And stellar sex is indeed about communication, and it's a two way street. She seems too preoccupied with touching herself to him than actually finding out about who he is, what he wants and how she fits with him. To be honest, You can't be having all that stellar sex if you're at home messing with your down stairs scroll wheel all the time.
Setareh23 34
Well OP was comparing it to sex she's had in the past (thus "worse sex she's ever had") so I guess it couldn't have been THAT unrealistic (as in kitten-rescuing football player) if other real-life men met the bill. But I agree with you that if it was that important to her, she'd take the time to get to know him a bit more and communicate to make things better for both of them. Her tone instead seems very condescending, and she obviously is not the type to help build people up...I feel bad for the dude. She gets no sympathy from me.
rldostie 19
Seriously? Yes. You can be having stellar sex and still enjoy and take part in pleasuring yourself. Just like men, women can enjoy sex and "bean-flicking" as two separate and different kinds of experienced. And by "perform" I mean his part in sex. Hell, women "perform" as well. Perhaps the verb choice isn't to your liking but it's meant to mean their parts in sex. And nothing in this FML suggests she had unrealistic expectations.