Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
himwiththeface 17
you got fingers, use em
Cazz91 21
Damn it OP. I thought I had already told you that bananas in pajamas are not an adult toy!
sweetbliss3 37
I forgot all about that show
imber_xp 10
Vegetables > Fruits. I know the decision may be tough, but we have to keep the supreme race afloat.
niftyismybitch 21
so you went bananas with a banana....
UrYousername 15
I see what you did there.
pedinhuh 23
That poor fruit...
mattrd_fml 31
maybe you need some real meat. try a hot dog or a sausage!
jrock9093 18
Why not ? Was it a organic banana
mbuck87 19
Well it wasn't an orgasmic banana
klovemachine 24
Next time she says she's on the phone, she might be "on" the phone :D
lightanddark 17
well at least the banana's smear could be a good imitation of the real thing