Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
Snowbunnnny159 4
OMG!!! Funniest shiiit ever!
nightrode 2
Let me guess some of the noises you made were ooh ooh ooh ahh ahh ahh
mbuck87 19
Does this have a context? I just want to know the joke you were trying to make there...
monnanon 14
looks like monkey noises to me. still not funny though.
mbuck87 19
Ohhhh yeah I see it now. Nope, not funny
takenover 15
That isn't what the Doctor meant when he said to always bring a banana to a party.
reaxion 25
Note for today: never use ripe bananas for self-pleasure
Shandra78 9
Stick to zucchinis...
joker7k 6
Call Tyrone? 867-5309?
Schiffy 18
Shit Tyrone get it together! That's not your number!
buckdharma 38
Dole!
jw90 18
I feel for the banana.
kenoswild 14
Ba ba ba banana!! (Sorry had to say it. Co-worker had a shirt yesterday with despicably me minions that said that. )
worldclassrager 41
Get a vibrator...that might work better...