Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
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Top comments
Charryboo 11
sounds fruity!
Ramanella 26
Umm, maybe walk that extra mile to get the proper toys you need op. I know I should but I don't feel any real sympathy for you. Maybe a little, but not a whole lot.
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Comments (181)
irritatedone 5
Just buy a *****.
Bcfrmkc816 17
I'll be the man for ya. For a night or a long term relationship. Good luck in finding the guy for you or woman if you go for that way also.
hannahn1492 7
On a thousand ways to die a girl does from masturbating with a carrot from cutting herself... next time try something that won't cause so much damage..
TheModernPatriot 14
Just get a toy until you find a guy
theawesomeonee 8
What a fruitless effort!
Chumbowamba 10
oh banana!!
mhonski_fml 6
i wonder how the banana looks like now lol
Inked0803 12
Invest in a vibrator
KayleeFrye 39
Get a vibrator, already! And if you're under 18, go buy a "massager" at Wal-Mart to tide you over until you can go buy a real one. I suggest a rabbit!
catsie_fml 14
I hope that your next partner isnt allergic to bananas