Today, the main topic for my sister and her friends in the car was how many ways they could think of to kill me. They came up with 137. I have to spend a week with these people. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML
Today, I am living a nightmare. My mother is now friends with my wife and my mother-in-law, plus my sister is now friends with my wife’s sisters. All that needs to happen now is they all get together in the same room and my life will be over; it will be a 7 on 1 massacre, and I’ll be the 1. FML
Today, I found out my college friends are going to attack me after Christmas and attempt to tickle me to death. All because they know that I hate to be tickled. They are also going to make a Facebook group dedicated to the matter so people can join in if they wish. FML
Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML
Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML
Today, on my long-awaited vacation, I got a phone call from my sister. Her childhood friend died. She bawled on the phone, and my plans were ruined. My husband said it was selfish of her to do such a thing when she knew we were on vacation, so she ramped up the drama times ten. She and her friend used to bully me. FML
Today, I had to listen for over 10 minutes as my brother and grandmother discussed how much they hate me. They thought I was asleep. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, at breakfast, my sister labelled me a "feminist." My whole family now refuses to talk to me for more than 30 seconds, and acts as though I have an incurable, highly contagious disease. FML
Today, I started my week-long girlscation with two of my childhood friends. So far, one hasn't stopped burping, farting, or talking about "needing dick", and the other can't stop trying to one up everyone else in the car. Day one out of five. Sigh. FML
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Top comments
purpleamandapand 6
At least it wasn't 138
every1luvsboners 11
Did they come up with cramming a ***** in the tailpipe so that you die from carbon monoxide poisoning? If not, they're amateurs and should find something else to talk about.
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Comments (116)
jaccq 2
wow
Keyman1212 14
You have your whole imagination to pick a comment from and "wow" is literally the best you could think of?? You even had 120 seconds to edit that wow to something much more interesting, and you couldn't even have done that.
cheefer 0
Wow stands for 'wrong opening wiener'
sandungyyy 4
Well maybe that's how speechless he/she became reading OP's story. At least they reacted, geez.
Melvar_10 3
I woulda replied to that with: "Bitches, i could break all your necks in 20 different ways with a spoon!"
urdirtyolduncle 15
42- wow
BigBacker 0
Dont fret, they where only just 'killing' time.
USxWolfCatxUK 16
#1- very comment such impress much clever wow
purpleamandapand 6
At least it wasn't 138
perdix 31
That would be 69 twice -- an excellent way to go in its own right. Now, there's 139!
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
But they only need one? How many lives do u have???
Nuclear_Ninja 6
137 is one of my lucky numbers lol
Turner_22 0
That would be baaaaddddd.
bitchslapped22 14
Who dares thumb down perdix?
tjv3 10
Well be proactive and kill them first
every1luvsboners 11
Did they come up with cramming a ***** in the tailpipe so that you die from carbon monoxide poisoning? If not, they're amateurs and should find something else to talk about.
GoodLookingGeese 10
What about killing him with a low quality joke, does that count too?
Torva_fml 16
10- your comment ALMOST killed me... you're good at this.
fanceh 10
10- are you a murderer? Cause you just killed it...
ImFrackinBored 13
Win.
billigoat 8
I came up with drinking a glass of soda upside down and drowning in it.
evilteddybear 0
They obviously dont watch 1000 ways to die they should get a life!
FreshlyCut 0
Fifth!
PinkiePie_fml 14
Did they mention baking you into cupcakes?
DarkSaul 20
People who Thumb this Down are my little pony friendship is magic haters
BuhxritNAYY 5
You mean pie? It's a part of your name.
adhere 0
Omg. Cupcakes was hilarious.
adhere 0
Omg. Cupcakes was hilarious.
perdix 31
Choose #69! If one of the ways was ******* you to death, dare them to try. Even if they succeed, you win!
lolman222 0
Who said OP was a guy?
perdix 31
No one. I just made that up because it seemed like fun. Of course, it never said that all of the sister's friends are girls. Sometimes, we just have to make shit up.
yadisingh 5
Lol good plan. But OP better make sure that his sister doesn't try that one out...
LegalyWhite 7
Bring your friends over then it will be fun
Lemuel_fml 5
I don't think they ever heard if the show 1000 ways to die.....
Fruit_Dealer 9
137? That's what I come up with in 3 minutes. I mean there's so many different kind of fruits you can use!
SxeDaze 13
You'r right #9 . The first one that pops into my head is probing op's poop shoot with a pineapple.
WillTay 8
Monty Python reference?
savemycookie 0
Wow... D: FYL. On the other hand a wonderful way to shut them up: "Really I can think of one really effective way to get rid of a couple of brats...." *PUSH OUT OF THE MOVING CAR* XD "There now isn't that better" :)
ProhibitionRose 14
No...especially if he wasn't the one driving DD: