Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
PYLrulz 17
Damn! Welcome to becoming a lawyer. Don't mind that sucking sound, that's just your soul leaving you.
mario2012 18
You're ******.
marinewife519 12
My husband is a Marine this will be a tough one. I guess they only way you can do it is talk about freedom of speech and right to protest , to bad you can't add in what you would like to do to them :). Oh and your not a former Marine. Once a Marine always a Marine :)
kriz_allizwell 6
USMC HOOAH!
Axipiter 24
It's spelled HUA. It's an acronym.
Driveshaft 5
I thought you boys were oorah? I was in army, we were hua.
Driveshaft 5
Probably why every sergeant in gods green owned a chihuahua nicknamed...yep...hua.
Axipiter 24
I believe you're right, I don't know if the USMC has ever used HUA before. I'm in the wrong country and branch to know that much detail haha.
marinewife519 12
It's oorah. :)
benmec 18
Include something in there about how you've defended the right for them to have free speech, even though they clearly do not deserve it...
jarlaxle1138 3
When you get out of Law School, start your own firm. Then you can choose your clients.
toalysium 15
This comment actually recognizes how the business of being a lawyer works! An attorney is always free to turn away a client, but the more despicable ones usually have more billable hours.
brianjman14 23
Really ****** up, but you should stick with it if you want to be a lawyer. I hate those people as much as you do, OP, but being a lawyer means defending someone, even if you don't agree with them.
zombiekitten87 12
That REALLY sucks... I mean really, really sucks... You don't have to believe in them, though, to defend their rights. (though, granted, I hate them and wish that they didn't have those rights.) just do your best and remember that's what lawyers do.
Sicilysstallion 2
Hoora brother
zebrapattern 6
"former" marine? There's no such thing.
The_Bull_Rider85 0
This is a total lie. Westboro Baptist Church protest against DEAD military servicemen. With that being said, you were never a Marine. Marines have balls, which you do not aquire. Burn in hell, you Kansas made retard.