Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
MegaFun_fml 6
Wow that's a tough challenge for a first assignment. I really don't see how anyone can defend WBC apart from 'everyone is entitled to their own beliefs'... but no worries OP, if you can overcome this you'll be one step closer to becoming a badass lawyer.
DemiTwilight 4
Maybe he will become real Phoenix Wright?
rainbowteehee 6
Wait i know that church0.0
niplipsip 9
shocking >.>
brianjman14 23
So do a lot of people...
User57777 13
Good for you!
onlychildFTW 34
Me to now! They seem to be an American thing. I don't think there here in Canada. At least not the lower mainland of BC.
BobbieH 19
Your life is definitely ****** but this is a really good exercise for you. In the practice of law you often have to defend clients against things you don't believe in, even in the case of a prosecutor. You may have to charge someone even when you believe the circumstances grant a reprieve from being charged. It's a tough lesson and it happens to be the one that when learned well gets you all the lawyer jokes. Sorry OP!
shadowPlayer 6
It's just to help determine your ability to research and prepare an argument. As for everyone saying that everyone has to defend people, have you never heard of the prosecution?
Chrispayne 4
Anyway u can do the free speech about the large biker groups that protest Westboro? U could make it that not only do we have freedom of speech but our freedom of speech causes even more freedom of speech
pink_raindrops 26
Isn't that kinda what being a lawyer is about? You have to defend your client no matter who they are and what they've done. I'm sure this issue is tough for you personally, but I bet lawyers who defend murderers have a hard time as well. If you can't learn to put your personal feelings aside it'll be a very difficult job for you.
timisrude11 1
Thank you for your service
Chrispayne 4
How about how many new groups refuse to cover them because while it is a story they know they just want to be on camera
hellya14 0
F Being a lawyer isn't about your personal beliefs, it is about representing others and their beliefs in court. If this is such a problem, then perhaps a reconsideration of career is in order...
kate3101 15
I agree that this is a particularly challenging thing to ask you to do. However, they are not asking that you believe it, or like it. It's a bit trite, maybe, but the basis of your argument is "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."
Blacksabbath211 9
I believe the WBC is the exception to this rule.