Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
Big_lama6 7
Be glad it's just a school assignment, not a real case you're working on
metalwolf 17
Not really. If its a assignment he has to do it unless he wants a failing grade or his teacher is nice enough to change the topic. If he was a full time lawyer then he could tell the client no.
lifestory2 5
Oh no.
BunchieRules 31
Oh yes.
SenselessPattern 12
You had the PERFECT chance to say OH YEAH!!!! and didn't take it. Well shit.
Axipiter 24
I instantly got way too excited to see that sitting there, until I saw the replies. Congratulations 75, you've ruined everyone's day.
IntoTheClouds 42
As a lawyer, you're going to need to learn to defend people who are pieces of shit. Get used to it.
paradox5150 0
As a former marine it should be easy.. ur job was to defend free speech. "though i may not agree with what u say, i will defend ur right to say it!"
gracehi 33
Everyone is entitled to free speech, even assholes like the members of the Westboro Baptist Church. When you defend freedom of speech for people like that, you are also defending it for people like Martin Luther King Jr, who would have been silenced in his time if not for that inalienable right. Try to look at it that way.
KaiserSD 8
But think about now, and the way or country is going, if Martin Luther King Jr. were to speak now, no one would hear his voice because of the way the "media" spins and distorts. Isn't that a shame?
baronsmommy 14
Do you really think that lawyers only defend/prosecute clients who they believe are innocent/guilty??
JiHadJoe910 2
Defend it in a satirical way!
SApprentice 34
It's part of being a lawyer- you don't really get to have your own beliefs when your supposed to be defending those of someone else.
onecrzyred32 0
At least you're not from the same town as WBC. They stand on the sidewalks here with their little picket signs making their children hold them.
KML92 6
I thought just being from the same state as them was bad enough. Can't imagine living in the same town as those pricks.
ideasrule 13
If you can't defend the Westboro Baptist Church, you shouldn't be in law school. If you don't believe in free speech, you shouldn't be a Marine. It's that simple. As a lawyer, you'll have to defend clients who are much worse--clients who actually committed murders, rapes, and robberies, as opposed to simply being obnoxious.
WhisperSoflty 20
Woah woah woah. He never said he couldn't or wouldn't do it. Just because he doesn't personally agree with what the WBC says doesn't mean that he doesn't believe in their right to say it. The idea of this FML is that this is going to be an incredibly tasking assignment, not that he's incapable of it. And if I were you, I would NEVER tell a marine that he "shouldn't be [one]" unless you have lightening reflexes and can duck-and-run before said marine hauls back.
Sicilysstallion 2
No. 37 stop giving head to your uncle and maybe you'll be less of a bitch
SApprentice 34
46- But that's the thing, though, isn't it? They have that reputation. You tell a marine or army person something they don't like, and then you have to "duck-and-run before said marine hauls back." Their job is meant to be to defend freedom. Nobody should have to fear getting the crap beat out of them for saying something that a former soldier doesn't like. Don't try to use that violent stereotype to defend them. Soldiers are supposed to be tolerant, respectful, and calm among civilians, not all punchy and angry.
Welshite 40
#68: Practically half the men and a few women in my family have served or are serving in the various military branches. As a child of two former Navy personnel, I have extreme respect for anyone serving our country, however, if I dared slander them, I would fully expect to be thrashed within an inch of my life. They are human as well, and place great pride in their work and country.
Sicilysstallion 2
Hell yea everyone needs to respect the military