Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
Cowboy1986 4
NO SUCH THING as a FORMER MARINE
zuelhater 7
I have always been told their is no such thing as a former marine!
jagter 4
If you only support free speech when you agree with what is being said then you don't support free speech. but in saying that, the WBC = bunch of retards. (free speech)
circuitboynm 8
If you want to be a lawyer you have to defend some pretty shitty people a lot of the time.
Awnonymous 4
I don't see the problem? You don't like free speech? These retards have every right to spout their bullshit, the good part is that so do you, and you're aspiring to get paid for that shit.
chelsheartsyou 1
I'm baptist (I do not consider that church a church it's more like a hate group who missed some of the most important parts of the Bible. They are by no means acting like Christians should! And they are not even part of an organization we are southern baptist convention and everyone has pretty much disowned them because of their horrible actions. They give baptist and Christians a bad name!) anyway all that to say I'm sorry you have to write a about defending them. I would hate it! I did agree with everything they do but ESP the things against the military (I come from a family with lots of military members) the deserve the utmost respect! Not the crap that place pulls!! Good luck to you!
ansatsushya 1
Sorry Devil. I protested these scumbags before. Just remember: I don't agree with what you say but I will fight to the death for your right to say it.
4thecraic 2
You could always take the Jonathan Swift approach and satire the **** out of it...
usmclm 12
Easy day Marine! This quote will help "I will not always agree with what you have to say but, I will defend, to the death, your right to say if." You, Marine, have already lived this!
Schiffy 18
Just because you have to defend free speech, doesn't mean you specifically have to defend those dumbasses, unless that's specifically written in the requirements.