Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML
Today, in court, my client ran his mouth at the judge, cursing him out and then trying to lecture him on "freedom of speech" when he was found in contempt. I don't know what it is with these nutjobs, but I wish I'd never become a public defender. FML
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML
Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML
Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML
Today, I finally got a reply to the letter to a celebrity that I had to write for my English class. It was a restraining order. FML
Today, my Platoon Sergeant caught me unshaved, so now I have to write a 1000 word essay on "The importance of shaving." FML
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Top comments
primadonna9396 16
Yeah, part of being a lawyer is finding ways to defend people who are the scum of the earth. That's why they make the big bucks
darkgodxvx 4
Welcome to due process. Enjoy your stay.
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Comments (338)
stan86_fml 1
That sucks, man. I'm in the army. **** Westboro Baptist Church.
TacoBelle 8
Think of this as a positive. Unforunately, to work in law you sometimes have to deal with the morally reprehensible. If this is something that you feel that you cannot bring yourself to do, then you can choose to do somehting different instead of wasting years of your life studying something that it completely wrong for you.
icychil 13
Well, it means the task is easy. You know in advance all counter-arguments for the "free speech" cause :)
SierraAlpha99 2
Actually you'll enjoy that I reckon. At least in the UK freedom of speech is fine, but it doesnt mean you can do things like insight violence, or fear or hatred. I haven't looked into it much, but i'm sure you'll have opportunity to point out things like the right to freedom of speech only exists in as far as it doesnt impeach on the rights of others. (like the right to privacy, right to religious freedom ect ect).
HunterAlpha1 8
WBC= Whining Bitch-***** but seriously, everyone, please stop calling them a Church, they are not a Church they are a hate group and a cult. the only thing they believe in that is even remotely associated with Christianity is that sodomy is wrong, and even there they take it too far, as Christ said "He who hath no sin, let him cast the first stone." Matthew 7:1-2 "1 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again." King James version, i know, it's a holdover from my Independent Fundamental Baptist days, which i am infinitely glad are over(not meaning to offend any IFBs here, i'm just saying that if you become a Reformed Presbyterian you can dance and smoke and drink alchohol). :-D
greeneye_fml 12
They are very much a church. Sorry to tell you, but churches have more often than not been breeding grounds for hate.
raraisbang 12
Ive never been to a church that told me to hate others. They are most definitely a cult. They are extremists that twist and abuse the words in the bible an I have yet to hear anything they "preach" actually noted as biblical "fact."
Scoutman 5
You should know what you volunteered to defend.
cardinal_jade 5
Just say "You can't handle the truth and walk away lol
Steel_BZ 8
Must have had to have been there..
cndianblindside 0
as much as the freedom of speech is essential in any country you cannot fix stupid im sure your teacher will gain more respect for you writing it
mycatsaysmeow 7
Make it satirical and bad mouth the church, then explain how the importance of free speech means you can't get expelled or suspended.