Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML
Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
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Top comments
the_anti_hipster 7
Sounds like your mom's off her meds again...
StoryOfTheYear 15
Meanwhile in the Evil household.
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Comments (189)
emeraldisle 30
I say that to my cat all the time. Nothing to worry about.
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
Lmfao! I do the same thing too expect that mine is a dog.
br0ccoli 15
I find it so funny that you mention your dog but your pic has a cat AND a drawing of a cat. Your cat in that pic is saying, "this is my imaginary friend because my human likes the dog better." Aww.
ImaginaryFoe 1
My old workplace had a cat and I did this with him the first day. I also practiced slowly turning around in my chair whilst stroking him on my lap to greet the guests. I don't know what else a cat is for if you can't pretend you're a Bond villain.
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
54- lol i know I just find it really ironic ha!
itsalanis 25
That sounds like me. I shall do that with my 3 cats, and I'll be three times more evil... c:
hhhwat 0
Well cats already think they rule the world so maybe your moms living vicariously through the kitty...... I agree, to check on her meds. Or give an intervention, or get a membership to a gym. I dunno, give the dang lady something to do.
hhhwat 0
Get her* a membership
Meowingtons500 18
Awh, don't interrupt their moment. Try to sneak away all stealth like. If all else fails smile and knod.
egc573 40
Your name is strangely appropriate for this FML.
Meowingtons500 18
Strangely appropriate for this FML? I feel that Meowingtons500 is an appropriate name for any FML. It's the name of Deadmau5's feline, Professor Meowingtons. But thank you nonetheless, good sir. :)
Meowingtons500 18
**nod. Autocorrect. :/
egc573 40
"Sir"? I feel that "lady" is the more appropriate form of address in this situation. It's the form used for those of the feminine persuasion. But thank you nonetheless, good lady. :)
Meowingtons500 18
I realize lady was the correct term, I just like calling everyone "good sir." It makes me feel like a good citizen. But whatever you prefer, Madame.
Soloman212 28
I think it's a rule of thumb to assume that the person you're addressing prefers to be called by the proper gender. But hey...
ICastillo 25
Everyone knows the bad guy never wins. So your mom is shit out of luck.
lordlekal 17
This is the real world, evil wins all the time.
ICastillo 25
Ya I'll go put my boot of justice up your ass and we'll see who wins.
egc573 40
Considering how cats behave, it probably yawned in her face and turned over. Or swiped at your mom, demanding some food. I wouldn't worry much about this co-regency.
unknown_user5566 27
Looks like you need to start hiding the alcohol.
Meowingtons500 18
First hide the bath salts. Too soon?
unknown_user5566 27
No... it was... perfect. *tear* :)
ChickInGreenVans 12
Fighting crime trying to save the world.. They come up just in time.. Mom and Kitty!!
br0ccoli 15
"What are we going to do tomorrow night?" "Same thing we try to do every other night, Pinkie... Try to take over the world!" Who knows this reference?? Damnit, I'm getting old.
ChickInGreenVans 12
The Pinky.. The Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain.. Narf:D
br0ccoli 15
Yay! Yep, Pinky and the Brain. I loved them! Ah, the good 'ol days.
PrincessPesa 20
Of course! Cherish the memories, haunt YouTube for old clips, and stay young at heart, dear br0ccoli!
Pelvispresley 8
If I were you I would sleep with one eye open...
PrincessPesa 20
Damn. If I'd have known you'd already warned OP about the one eye open thing, I would have recommended a different orifice or something. One ear open, perhaps. And your comment is right above mine! Rats. Foiled again.