Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML
Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, my sexist, misogynistic boss showed me a new program we all have to use. After several minutes of him explaining it badly and belittling me for doing it wrong, I opened a sub-folder that showed that I CREATED THE PROGRAM. He walked away, then later wrote me up for "having a bad attitude." FML
Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML
Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML
Today, my boss keeps pointing out similarities between his wife and me. I genuinely dislike her, and have feelings for him. FML
Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML
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Top comments
TheArchAngel 8
He's no pimp without the slap.
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Does he pimp slap you too?
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Comments (229)
TheArchAngel 8
He's no pimp without the slap.
TheElderTROLLZ 15
You edited your comment from "He's no pimp without the chin tap" I see.
TheArchAngel 8
I was debating between the two, actually. I decided on slap at the end.
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Well now my comment looks like it copied your's *sad face*
Meowingtons500 18
"Sorry bitch, pimps don't fall in love." *smack*
ChickInGreenVans 12
More like a pimp without a limp!!
unknown_user5566 27
And a fedora hat with a feather. The feather is important.
Meowingtons500 18
Wearing a purple suit and fedora and walking with a cane and a limp are huge signs that you're a pimp where I'm from. Oh, and spiffy white dress shoes. If trying to conjure up a mental image, imagine all this on a man at least 71 years old. :)
the_anti_hipster 7
70--with gold teeth and a clock around his neck. Oh wait, that's Flava Flav. My bad.
smileeee_fml 0
Your boss is a ******* cool bloke.
maosquare 18
Your boss sounds like Michael Scott.
ladyLALAA 29
91, just watched Celebrity Wife Swap with Flava Flav and he is still rocking that damn clock!
the_anti_hipster 7
131, Flava Flav will be six feet under and still sporting the clock. And probably two women in there with him, that bastard ;)
reaganomics 6
He just needs to remember backhand is discipline, forehand is abuse.
ColdplaySucks 18
He'll be a pimp without a job if he continues acting that way.
theHIGHroad2 5
Similar thing happened to me at my last job; I said Similiar because our boss did that to all the MALE employees..my boss was a guy as well..
GetDirtyDoWork 1
Talk to him about it then. Seems like no one confronts people anymore.
kionnaloves 11
Sue him.
WHOWASTHEPHONE 10
Is your boss Michael Scott?
IHaveThePower 18
Sexual harassment in the workplace does not make you a 'cool bloke'. It makes you a raging asshole. Man up and treat women with respect.
SpicyDuck 22
What a respectable man! (:
baddawg365 0
There is a darkness inside of me. It wants to get out, it wants to walk around. It wants some walkin around money. And it wants to buy some shoes. And it wants to walk up to the people and say hey Gator don't play no shit, you feel me? Gator never been about that, Gator never been about playin no shit.
StoryOfTheYear 15
The guy just oozes authority and integrity.
A7XCamaro 19
The Other Guys, nice 28
gabe222 25
28 - Gator's bitches better be using jimmys!
SpicyDuck 22
I take it sarcasm is frowned upon in these parts
TheEpicMilkMan 13
point out that its sarcasm, some people can't tell between sarcasm or the fact we have morons spewing comments constantly when they're being serious lol
diego2k5 6
Gator need his gat you punk ass bitch!
Pentium_4 27
117 - you're right, it makes all the difference. right before she posted post 93, her first comment was -11 and now it's +6. i knew it was sarcasm but i guess a lot of people thought she was being serious...
Myo_fml 20
Oh look, you can count. -slow clap-
SpicyDuck 22
Sorry 117, I guess I expected a little too much out of the world.
yupitssoph 18
Really though. That is not ok op! Report him, get him fired, sue him, idk do something.
TheEpicMilkMan 13
lol we all do sometimes, but then we look back into reality and realize there are morons who keep repopulating and causing more and more of the moron apocalypse to arise.....oh no :(
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Does he pimp slap you too?
baddawg365 0
Thumb me down this comment was a test because every FML I've attempted to comment on it says "Comment Closed".
baddawg365 0
Or not I don't know my FML App is on the fritz
maz255 10
99 problems...
PeteyPablo12308 20
Y'know it's hard out here for a pimp... ?
Pudagiah 12
Shouldn't there be some workplace safety rules here? If he was reported he'd get in a bit of trouble. Too bad he's your boss :(
Xythenol 6
Who cares if he's her boss? That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.
Disobey_fml 13
He probably forgot the pimpslap powder
ariannaimelda 7
For some reason I thought of the scene from 40-year-old Virgin...
ChickInGreenVans 12
Why??
baddawg365 0
I thought of Allen/Gator from The Other Guys
paintingxflowers 8
I thought of the episode of the office where michael acts out the movies he watches on netflix and pretends to be meryl streep in the devil wears prada
Minna_fml 14
For some reason indeed..... ??!?
kandi_kid69 15
I thought of Pootie Tang.
iliketurdles 7
I thought of turtles.
andrew87804 4
GATOR NEEDS HIS GAT PUNKASS BITCH!
nobodylikesyou 3
You should sue for all he has! (sarcasm)
sirsquab 12
Thumbs down because you were being sarcastic.
ICastillo 25
Na **** that sue him for real for being a douche.
downtime 13
...Or...maybe you could just report him to upper management and not involve the courts because you get called names you don't like. If anyone I knew seriously tried to get cash from someone because their feelings were hurt over some ridiculous nonsense like this I'd be ashamed to know them. If they did the right thing and didn't act like a child about it, that would be respectable.
poisonwolf 6
LIKE A BOSS!!!
Redneck17 8
His parents must be proud.
wlddog 14
Any way you look at this, it simply isn't gonna end well.
Letsgoo 8
that should make your job more entertaining
igive 29
In this case, she IS the entertainment.
yahoowizard 16
Quite the contrary 38. She doesn't have to stand on the table and start stripping or anything. As for the boss, he's like a Michael Scott character which is always amusing
ICastillo 25
"Gator's bitches better be using jimmies".
baddawg365 0
DAMN YOU!!!! I just realized that you commented quoting Gator... Now I feel like a copy cat.. NOOOOOO
ICastillo 25
It's all good man no worries ( you copy cat) everyone does it.
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Gator needs his gat, bitch!
dude1122332 9
Aim for the bushes?
RigPig 3
Hmm perhaps you should get a different job. If having a boss such as this isn't enough to make you leave, then you deserve/like being called a "prostie."
badam_fml 6
How is this not in court yet ?