Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML
Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML
Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
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Top comments
the_anti_hipster 7
Sounds like your mom's off her meds again...
StoryOfTheYear 15
Meanwhile in the Evil household.
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Comments (189)
the_anti_hipster 7
Sounds like your mom's off her meds again...
RigPig 3
Or the daughter.
baddawg365 0
She's doing it Gollum/Smeagle style though: Op's mom: My precious *strokes* We will ruuullee *gollum cough that he does* YESSS my precious
maz255 10
"this world will be plagued by feline aids kitty...then...they will know"
sinking_fish 12
29- your comment just made this fml so much more visual for me. :D
ThisIsMyReign 4
Where in Virginia so I know where not to go?
jellycorn 13
Gollum and smeagle? It's a scary fascination... Kind of like Snape and Lily
smileeee_fml 0
Clearly on some pills.
JavIin 0
Did no one else think of Inspector Gadget..? (:
baddawg365 0
52- Thank you, I was hoping I could help someone out
RedmontFief 7
70-Gollum and Smeagle are the same person, so unless I totally missed something, it/they don't have a whole lot in common with Snape and Lily.
TheCamoWulf 17
Lol your cat hypnotized your mom to help it take over the world!
Suchagoonnn 4
I disagree
GVirdi 11
It's the other way around...
RealReasons 0
What? Don't be ridiculous! There's no way a cat ca- ALL HAIL HYPNOCAT!
GothicAngel17 24
Hypnotised? By a cat? But that's imp- ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAT!
Kefka91 15
Dude, first it's zombies in Miami and now mind controlling cats... What has this world come t- ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOCAT!
Goldenchest 14
Hypnocat's taking over the world!! SAVE US NYAN CA-all hail Hypnocat... o.o
nerobluerose 10
HypnoToad will always be my ki... ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAT!
nava1210 12
Alright, enough with th.. ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAT!
Zakirsd_fml 5
You guys are so st... ALL HAIL HYPNOCAT!
artemisrox98 10
Okay, seriously guys, I'm ending this. Aha see, I ende... ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAT!
Link5794 18
**** THE HYPNOCAT! Not literally.
kims0706 10
Ok guys, you need to learn when to end a jo-ALL HAIL THE HYPNOCAT!
StoryOfTheYear 15
Meanwhile in the Evil household.
TheElderTROLLZ 15
I liked your "Dr. Evil's mother?" idea better.
iStrukk 7
Unrelated point I would like to make to number 3. Your profile says you are a garment nazi, yet you, yourself, suck at grammar. What you were describing is a spelling nazi. Don't worry, it's a common misconception.
naddification 7
Garment Nazi? Woah.
jc10x 8
At least she wasnt stroking her cat...
TheElderTROLLZ 15
You are our only hope, OP!
airforce987 20
Is OP Obi Wan? I dont know, it seems more to me like OP is James Bond once again captured by Spectre and that OP's mom is Blofeld. O.o
Zedd_fml 8
It's OPi one Kenobi, better recognize.
XxHoPPoxX 8
Thats not your cat she was stroking eh eh eh....
TheArchAngel 8
I say you hide her stash of Vodka... Or whatever she's on.
igive 29
you've no idea about alcohol and its effects, do you?
therealslim 15
31- I believe it was a joke
PrincessPesa 20
I don't know about you, but it sure aggravates my desire to take over the world. Just whets that appetite for evil!! Either that, or I become a kitty. Meow!
ICastillo 25
#31 the effects of alcohol is ending up having sex with ugly and fat chicks.
Suchagoonnn 4
I dont think its a joke, she actually has no clue.
Suchagoonnn 4
47 i read your profile. Dont do crossfit lol, they have no clue what theyre doing
ICastillo 25
Really? What do you suggest #47?
ICastillo 25
I meant #53. **** I feel stupid now.
TheArchAngel 8
Tis a joke......
aKaClickZ 4
Insanity is the shit.
ariannaimelda 7
Soon. Beware OP.
dude1122332 9
Zombies! This is the beginning! Mynas were right! -hopes on spaceship and flys off to moon when FPSRussia has a secret base-
dude1122332 9
Hops* And I didn't specify that her mom and cat made people into zombies..
alshygirl 14
Wha?
Jiinxx 8
6 - your icon. I just can't.
evaki1 12
You better ask your mom if you can join that plan. It wouldn't be nice if you were ruled by a kitty. Oh and also, save a spot for me!
RussianFox 13
I think being ruled by us would be very nice. Being massaged 24/7, laser pointers as entertainment, and Cat naps whenever and wherever you desire.
lorenzoman77 7
91- I love your picture! =D isn't it the thumbnail for SeaNanners YouTube channel? =F
10121995 0
What's interesting is you have a pic of a dog...
therealslim 15
Menopause?
Meowingtons500 18
Probably not, but good thinking. Women may become irrational during menopause but my guess is that this lady just wanted some love only a cat would display. If trying to avoid menopausal women at all costs, just steer clear of ones who are trying to fashion napkins into fans at the local air conditioned diner. Hot flashes can be nasty. Or so I'm told. :)
RigPig 3
Most likely a genetic trait. Look forward to it, enjoy it, relish it!
SkoomaKi 28
Reminds me of the man who talked to his little gorilla toy... Maybe that's her husband?
RigPig 3
Blood is thicker than water eh. By the way, I aspire to make it onto your list. Some day...
RigPig 3
And so it begins.
SkoomaKi 28
RigBig, show me awesome and creative comments, and one day you will be on THE LIST.
chouter21 10
Schizophrenia?
Pentium_4 27
doubt it, but good job for spelling it right. (not being sarcastic)
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Well, one of the symptoms for schizophrenia IS delusions ("one day I will rule the earth!" or "I'm Batman") but I doubt OP's mom is schizo (I doubt she's truly having delusions, either, for that matter).. Honestly I say weird stuff to my cat all the time... >:) she was probably just listening to her voice and how it sounds when she says certain stuff :P