Today, I caught my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML
Today, I learned that instead of spending Christmas alone with my cat, enjoying chicken quesadillas and a tin of tuna while watching only the best cartoons, my mother's coming over. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML
Today, my mom found a pack of cigarettes in my pocket. She hates smoking, so she tore every single cigarette to pieces, then emptied a bag of kitty litter on them. On my bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
By "cat biscuits," do you mean those biscuit treats you feed cats or actual biscuits made of cats? The second item would explain why you don't have a cat, among other animals/objects. Either way, make sure to get your mom spayed and/or neutered.
kamikrazy 6
Now you do...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (126)
LoneStarTexan 6
first!
ssppaarrttaann9 0
Way to go.
Chris19801012 0
different
Zmeilerr 22
Oh, look. Another one word comment just to get the first post. -Sigh-
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Well, I for one welcome our one-word first-comment overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted FML personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
Zmeilerr 22
That's true, but in general, most commenters will get more respect from the community if they post longer, more constructive answers. It shouldn't be a race to the first post. 1 is just a number. It's not an achievement.
PeteyPablo12308 20
Yes... Very different indeed.
needleinmypants_fml 3
everyone is enitiled to have fetishes. you think cat biscuits are nasty so no one shouls eat them? get over yourself... everyone is different just freaking deal with it. on another note. sir brave robin, would you like to tell me where you got that first sentence? it reminds me of something..
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
#51 - I have only one rule - if you have to explain a joke, it is no longer a joke. Therefore, I will respond as such - Google is your friend.
muhaidib 2
FYL? F a potential cat's life...
stilldrunk88 6
Kent Brockman, my man.
Hunter148Cassie 0
Cat biscuits are cat food made into biscuits people wow whoever thought it was a real cat made into biscuits doesn't read carefully enough.
AZMarine 0
...And how is this an FML again?
twistedline 0
'cat'astrophe much?
whoisthisgirl 4
lol yeah.. I used to eat dog biscuits.. the green ones. when I was 3. I would sneak them :(
ImLizAndImBored 0
:O OMG REALLY?? How did it taste like??
PurpleWaffles 2
The dog treats taste like pepper(: I dared my friend to lick it haaa(:
mollyslips 13
41, the only hope for you is rehab for taking green dog biscuits:-( you'll get through this!!
CherryOnTop222 7
YOU are a funny, funny person!!!!!!!!
SonOfAMitch 14
SCOOBY- DOOBY- DOO!!!
kamikrazy 6
Now you do...
iSitt 0
I've heard or poor ppl eating catfood bc it's cheaper. FHL if that's the case.
InBetweenDreams 0
My friend's mom isn't fluent in English, so she bought cat food instead of tuna by accident. She fed it to her kids for days until one of them finally looked at the label to see why their lunch tasted like crap. LMAO
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
By "cat biscuits," do you mean those biscuit treats you feed cats or actual biscuits made of cats? The second item would explain why you don't have a cat, among other animals/objects. Either way, make sure to get your mom spayed and/or neutered.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Then all is right with the world...
DocBastard 40
Robin, god damn you for breaking into my brain and stealing my joke. Get out! GET OUT OF TH...ooh, pretty shiny coins!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Coming from you, Doc, I feel honored and strangely aroused by your contempt of my "joke."
Po1ntBlank 0
I sense this guy is going to be the next commenter to bring hilariousness to FML comments
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I was actually here well before DocBastard started rearing his/her/its ugly head out of the hole I helped put this site in, but I make special appearances from time to time =)
KingDingALing 9
I applaude Robin for beating you to the joke, Doc. You've been hogging the QDB since the start! It's time for a change!
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Speaking of dinosaur extinctions, DUDE! I was thinking about you today and I was hoping you would show up! So... care to shove this chicken up your ass for old time's sake?
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
I've been back for a few days, actually, making subtle comments here and there. I've learned from DocBastard that it's not about the spontaneous nature of my comments that confuses people; it's about the spontaneous nature of nature that confuses people. @#$%! Now I just went and confused myself. BRB - gonna grab my Huey Lewis and the News album.
Ro_knows 0
lol I hope they aren't actual cat biscuits for cats
disneydork96 0
65 because eating biscuits made out of cats would be better?
seacadet 18
Their early work was a little "new wave" for my taste... But when "Sports" came out in '83, I think they really came into there own.. Commercially and artistically.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
Did she share?
ispitflames 3
mmm cat biscuits, with 55% more fiber &420 omega 3
CheaRight 0
What a pussy.
banana_buddy 6
^ i see what u did there LMAO
instnt1nfction 17
I didn't
Jimster1712 0
jahahahaha WIN
TheBeatlesAreLov 0
as if owning a cat would make THAT better
tona01 16
yes , because if OP owned a cat he might've thought that her mom accidently confused them with snacks now she is only a crazy lady who likes cat food
ConfusionsLoveMe 0
Yes, because the mom was dumb enough to mistake a bag full of cat food for a bag of doritos, THEN continue eating them . Get your head out of the clouds. Unless the op's mom Is blind , then it's fairly simple to know the difference .
atomicbaboon 0
it would explain why the cat biscuits are in the house in the first place.
nicolangelo 5
LOL