Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML
Poor little guy
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
So…
Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and have to explain to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Top comments
RedTriceratops 0
But I don't have testicles.
cabbitt 0
I hope you learned to look where you sit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (297)
lvngdedgrl 0
idiot.
Craw25 0
dumbass
AshleySezRawrz 0
Okay, first off you guys are stupid it does NOT say anywhere in this FML storythag the guy is naked!! Second "learnt" is also a correct term for spelling. It may not e correct everywere , but it still is. You guys are not grammar genius's so get over yourselves ( this message goes mainly to the top commented people)
kritz0 10
Seems, neither are you.
PiratesvNinjas 0
I am with you, but you're a bit of a hypocrite. :/
supersonickrash 0
LOL @ 96. Fail.
kritz0 10
Oh grand master, show me where I was wrong. You can't, so f*** off. ;)
asteroth 8
You have an unnecessary comma.
kritz0 10
Not really, no.
asteroth 8
Yes you do. "Seems, neither are you" is wrong. The comma there should be used to separate an independent and dependent clause. You have neither; you have a sentence fragment. Your comma is unnecessary. It should be "It seems like you aren't either." or, if you really wanted a comma, "Neither are you, it seems." English is my second language and even I know that.
asteroth 8
Yuck triple post. Tut mir Leid.
kritz0 10
Actually, I am CORRECT. I used the comma to separate a N-O-N-E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L cause from the rest of the sentence. Learn to English better. By the way, if you honestly get "at" me for that last line, go right ahead, add to my amusement. :)
kritz0 10
*Clause. :)
asteroth 8
You may have a dependent clause, but you need an independent clause before you need a comma to separate the two. Since you don't have one, your comma is incorrectly used.
asteroth 8
The comma you had in "Actually, I am CORRECT (aka wrong)." is properly used. Not the one you had originally. "Seems" by itself is not considered a clause and therefore your comma that separates your "N-O-N-E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L clause" from "neither are you" is incorrect. A better revision would be simply "Neither are you." Btw, English isn't my first language, which makes it sad that I know more about it than yourself.
kritz0 10
English is the FIFTH language I learned to read, write and speak. So how about you shut the **** up? Do I LOOK Caucasian to you? Dumbfuck.
kritz0 10
By the way, another note on your little English lesson. Not only was the comma placed there for a nonessential clause, it is ALSO used as a modifier. Thanks for playing, make sure to join me for the next round. Idiot.
Rodimus273 0
Before you type anything, english is the first language and only language i learned (i know a little spanish but it doesn't matter). I do not claim to be an "expert", I'm just putting out there what I am entitled to, my opinion. I, myself, saw it as being wrong. It seemed as if you had only one fragment, not two, not a "N-O-N-E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L cause ", not a modifier, not anything, just a simple fragment. in which case, sorry, you would not need a comma. It seemed like "one" incomplete (for being a fragment) thought. However, an english college professor I asked said that yes, a comma would be put there, But not for the reasons you have protested. The reason it would be there is that the comma is used to replace words which should be there, such as like or as though. And also, asteroth, go you really have nothing better to do with your ime than to argue with someone over a comma? And to kritz0, why would you purposefully write a wrong english phrase? That's just adding to the point about bad grammar we're getting at. sure it was meant as a joke and sarcasm but it really didn't do anything good.
aardvarkish 17
free vasectomy. doesn't get any better than that. in a Darwinian sense.
decayj 0
... this is paradise...
darienlake 0
good thing you had balls or else your hamster might have bit your labia. THAT would have been worse
goonie85 0
Hamsters are easily one of the world's most evil creatures. He was probably plotting to bite your testicles well before you sat on him. You merely gave him motive and opportunity.
alice_wt 0
poor hamster.. watch where u sit, fat ass, u deserve a bite in the testicles
dwayland 0
no he doesn't he should have killed the hamster and not let it bite his love rocks
underpaid011 0
are you sure it was by accident? was the hamster named "Lemmiwinks" and are you "Mr. Slave"?