Today, I was petting my female hamster when I felt a big mass under her. I immediately thought it was a tumor so I poked it to see if it hurt her. It didn't. Turns out my female hamster is actually a male, and he has really big balls. I touched my hamster's balls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, my new roommate decided to put his pet hamster in the same cage as my beloved hamster. Apparently he wanted them to make hamster babies. They are both males. His hamster attacked mine and tore it to pieces. I just finished cleaning up the mess. FML
Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML
Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML
Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML
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Top comments
phandomofthopera 8
Hamsters are notoriously well endowed with their sackage. I work at a petstore that only sells boy small animals (so they don't breed) and one time a hamster was using the balls of another sleeping hamster as a pillow. To each his own i guess
ncparry 18
Hamsters are spawn of the devil, I once had two and then one because the other hamster decided to eat the other hamster and trail it's entrails all over the cage....
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Comments (31)
ncparry 18
Hamsters are spawn of the devil, I once had two and then one because the other hamster decided to eat the other hamster and trail it's entrails all over the cage....
OrchidKitten 21
You may have had too small of an enclosure, or had a species that's territorial or doesn't work in groups. Either circumstances can cause the hamsters to fight and kill each other.
ncparry 18
It was a HUGE cage, several levels with plenty of activities. I just think he was evil.
CRC_101 31
The most common species of hamsters - Syrian - are not to be kept in together. You may see them as young hamsters in the same enclosure when they are being sold, which is misleading. They will fight sooner or later, as they are solitary animals, with the exception of possibly a female and male while she is in heat. Otherwise, Syrian hamsters will fight and likely kill one another. Other smaller breeds may harm each other when they are not kept in appropriate conditions or do not get along with their roommate. Good living conditions for multiple hamsters is not about about how many activities are available - it is far more important to have square footage that allows them to spread out. Many of the "interesting" cages marketed in pet stores are actually not large enough. Tubes and towers and shelf levels do not add the square footage that many hamsters need to thrive and not fight.
ncparry 18
I learned my lesson, I'll never own hamsters or rodents again. That traumatized me. The intestines everywhere looked like ramen noodles...ugh!
Maleficus_fml 12
?Go Lemmiwinks, kill Wikileaks?
phandomofthopera 8
Hamsters are notoriously well endowed with their sackage. I work at a petstore that only sells boy small animals (so they don't breed) and one time a hamster was using the balls of another sleeping hamster as a pillow. To each his own i guess
Glowworm56 27
That is one badass hamster.
Rxselyn 17
Wow that’s a whole new diy
RichardPencil 32
I hope you bought him dinner and a movie first.
Rxselyn 17
I mean I feed him everyday and fill his water bottle so I guess that counts as dinner hahaha
Glowworm56 27
Well, now you know that your hamster is male.
pjsr 33
Why can't I vote or reply directly to Richard's comment ?
RichardPencil 32
Because we’re so awesome, there’s no need to mess with perfection! :)
wanted_2_want 40
So. Is that what you'd call a wild handjob ?
piliseep 14
When I was little, my mom bought my brother a male hamster from the pet store. The lady at the store assured us that it was male. When we got home we noticed it was very fat, but paid no mind to it. It kept getting fatter and fatter until finally I found a whole bunch of babies in its hamster house. And thats how we learned that he was actually a she.
ViviMage 40
The petstorebis supposed to segregate hamsters and other small mammals by gender so they can't breed. You either were misinformed, they didn't segregate, or you bought your male at such a young age the testis weren't apparent. I bought my male bunny at a young age, he appears female at a glance because the testis haven't dropped yet.
TacoTheDank 27
Testis is the singular form. Testes* is the plural form.
Madrias 36
I guess this is what happens if your brother puts wine in your hamster's water bottle.
lccc_ 18
you can totally tell when a hamster is male -.- lol. their balls are huge. i was recently at petco and had to tell them that they were actually males and needed to update their little card description lol. its obvious.
stayydomii 21
WHO'S GOT BIG BALLS? YOUR HAMSTER'S GOT BIG BALLS.